


The Weight of Love

by a_fine_sid



Series: Thrandiel [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Smut, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-03-24 15:28:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3773800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_fine_sid/pseuds/a_fine_sid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SEQUEL to We Will Endure. Tauriel and Thranduil have finally accepted their feelings for each other, but there are many things in their way to true peace. This story is their road to peace with each other, and with the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Chilling Thought

**Author's Note:**

> So for starters, this is a sequel to a story I previously wrote so if you haven't read We Will Endure yet, do not continue reading until you have read that one. Now for those of you who have, hello again! I know this is a little late but I got caught up with school and stuff so I was really busy and when I wasn't busy I was too tired. But now that I have this up, I should be uploading regularly again ^^. This chapter is kinda short so sorry about that. But nonetheless I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think :3 alright I'll let you get to reading now. Enjoy :)

Spring was approaching Mirkwood, but so was the thickness in its forest threatening to take over the woodland kingdom. That wasn’t Thranduil’s concern at the moment though.

        He woke up alone for the first time in months, and worry washed over him. This was not normal for him anymore.

        He quickly threw off his blankets and slipped out of bed. He put on a robe that covered him decently, and walked out of his personal chamber to find Tauriel sitting on the couch in his study. Relief washed over his face shortly afterward. He took a moment to watch her as she braided her hair intricately, with a face full of focus.

        He took a step further and she looked up at him. Her sleepy yet focused face was a sight he came to love in these past few months. It helped him keep his sanity with everything that had happened when their relationship went beyond professional.

        He took a deep breath, and it hit him hard to realize just how much he needed her now.

But doing all of this was risky, since his people did not know of his private affairs. For he is tied to another but he cannot explain why he has felt all of these strong urges again, many years after his wife had been deceased. It feels almost as if the bond between them was broken somehow, and he does not see any joy in remembering her face.

        All of those thoughts fade away when he is with Tauriel though. Her touch alone brings him a sense of peace. He even feels young again when they share secret moments in his throne room. She never spends much time in there with him anymore because they both know that they would be unable to be professional in front of his guards.

        Right now though, he is alone with Tauriel in his private study. No one dares enter unless it is extremely urgent.

        Tauriel finally brings him out of his thoughts by placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. His heart flutters with just the simple act. He finds it adorable that she has to tiptoe up to him to do so.

        His response is putting his arms around her waist and hoisting her up to plant a deep full kiss to her lips, which are warm and inviting. She puts her arms around him, as well as her legs. These movements send him into frenzy.

        He staggers back to find the couch in his study, and he almost trips as he falls back into it. Their lips are still locked together as this happens.

        Once on the couch, Tauriel repositions herself to be more comfortable, and then starts placing kisses everywhere on his face and neck. The sighs that come from her mouth drive him mad.

        But as quickly as the moment starts, it ends. Tauriel slows down her kisses, and eventually pulls away to look at him. The way she does so indicates that she doesn’t want to, but she knows she has to. He frowns and sighs.

        “You could stay. Today we have a feast and there aren’t many things to do until midday.” He tried to reason.

        She shook her head and slightly smiled. “But I have things to do today, and I need to be up early to do them. I know this is hard for you… It’s hard for me too.” He knew that her situation was more difficult. It still didn’t make anything less painful though.

        After a moment of silence, Tauriel stood up and straightened her dress. “For now we must have comfort knowing we will see each other tonight.” She leaned down to give him a deep, but short, kiss.

        When she finally left, Thranduil took the moment to bury his secrets away, so he could face the day. Then he got ready, all the while he was wearing a cold mask that could be described as frightening. Inside though, he was smiling because he knew he would see Tauriel again tonight, and that was enough to make going through the day bearable.

* * *

 

        Tauriel sighed when she made it back to her room and hurriedly got ready for her day. She hated having to get ready there still. It had been months, and Thranduil made no mention of how he was going to tell his people about them.

        Her worry grew even worse, when there was a knock on the door.

        Lady Rainil’s plastered smile was on the other side of it when she opened the door, and Tauriel’s heart dropped. It didn’t show on her face though, she was good at that.

        “Good morning my lady, what brings you here this morning?”

        “Let’s skip the formalities. Why did I see you retreating from the area near the king’s personal spaces this morning?”

        Tauriel was prepared for this moment should it ever happen, but she dearly hoped it wouldn’t. All of her hesitations hit her in the face yet again, as she realized that things were about to get complicated.

        “I was wandering around this morning a bit aimlessly, and when daylight hit I realized where I was and I knew I needed to get back here as soon as possible.”

        “You weren’t with our dear king this morning at all?”

        “I do not go into his personal chambers anymore my lady, those days are long over.”

        Lady Rainil made a face that said she knew more, but Tauriel knows in her heart that she doesn’t. This whole visit was going to be just a waste of time, though necessary.

        “Somehow I don’t believe that. The king favors you, so I’d expect you would be in there quite often, am I correct?”

        “Why is that important? Who are you to delve into mine or the king’s personal business? What do you have to gain?”

        Tauriel was getting annoyed by her very presence now, and she just wanted her gone. Even if she didn’t have secrets, this was just outright prying.

        “You’re getting so defensive suddenly. It’s almost as if you are hiding something.”

        “Leave! I have things to do today and you are keeping me from them.” If smoke could come out of her nostrils, it definitely would have.

        The lady finally turned and left.                            

        Tauriel knew it wouldn’t be wise to go and see the king right now, so instead she went to where she needed to go.

        She spent her morning helping Maein with random things around her quarters, since Maein was now under the effects of pregnancy. It was also a nice way to stay within the kingdom and away from the battle. The effects of war were definitely overwhelming for Tauriel. Every time she tried to pick up a bow, Thranduil’s face appeared before her, and every time she tried to pick up a dagger and twirl it, the dagger would clank to the floor as the orc and Kili would flash through her mind.

        Helping Maein was the best thing she could do right now, even though she was a terrible caretaker. She was learning slowly how to be better though. Maein once joked that it was practice for when she would become Thranduil’s wife and bearer of more children for him.

        That idea both excited and scared her, for a number of reasons.

        She reached Maein’s quarters, which were a nice walk away from hers. She tried not to look at too many people as she walked. Despite how many months it’s been, she was afraid to draw too much attention to herself. It was partly because she was harboring a big secret, and also because she didn’t want to be looked down on anymore.

        But being at Maein’s house put Tauriel at ease. Her friend welcomed her with a smile as she sat in a rocking chair in the corner humming an old elvish lullaby in Sindarin. She stopped when she Tauriel.

        “Good morning captain, is something wrong?”

        “Sometimes I wish Lady Rainil wasn’t your mother, or that she wasn’t so adamant about finding out my secrets…” Tauriel didn’t mean for her problems to come out right away, it just sort of happened.

        Maein sighed, and motioned for Tauriel to sit. Then Tauriel told her everything that happened.

        “Doesn’t the necklace keep you invisible?” Maein asked once she was finished.

        “Not unless someone is actively seeking me out, which is what your mother was doing.” Tauriel sighed and looked slightly down, unsure of what to do.

        “I suppose you can’t risk it by going to the throne room today either right?”

        Tauriel nodded.

        Maein then said she would have Merenor deliver a message to Merenor once he came back from the patrol. In Tauriel’s absence from the guard, Merenor took over as captain, though her patrol missed her a lot. She promised to go back when she was ready, and she wasn’t sure when that would be.

        After that happened, Tauriel got to work in doing all of Maein’s daily things, and once she was done, she went to the healing quarters to meet with Naradeth and all the other elvish women who were interested in fighting. Since she couldn’t teach them actual combat yet, she had been training them for months in self-defense, since they were not ready or allowed to have weapons of their own yet.

        But by this point in their self-defense, they knew and mastered most of the techniques; it was just a matter of overseeing and making sure that they were implanted and ready for the next step when it would be permitted. The council meeting was soon, and Maein was going to plead her case with Naradeth. Tauriel’s only part was convincing the king, which she had already.

        When she got to the healing quarters, she could see that everyone there was warming up together, and it was a pleasing sight.

        “Hello Captain Tauriel.” Naradeth bowed when she saw her, and it made Tauriel think about being a queen where everyone had to bow to her in the way Naradeth did. It was a chilling thought.

        “I see you’ve already got started.” Tauriel beamed.

        Once they were done warming up, she had them go through the basic techniques, which were perfectly performed in unison. Then they went through the next steps and eventually they practiced more advanced techniques which were starting to take better shape. Tauriel was a good teacher to those willing to learn, and all of the elves that stood before her were willing as she could see.

        When they were done practicing, they all dispersed, and Naradeth went up to Tauriel.

        “Have we proven ourselves enough?” She asked finally.

        “In my eyes you are all amazing, but it’s going to be a long battle for this to change.” Tauriel didn’t really know any other council members other than Lady Rainil, and if they were all like her then there was no hope.

        “What is the king’s opinion?”

        “What he says to me may not be what he says at the meeting. There are a lot of things at risk if I get involved and he says yes. I know it’s not the answer you want, but it’s the only answer I can give.”

        Naradeth showed no expression. Tauriel wasn’t sure what to make of it.

        Their conversation was cut short by Merenor showing up. Tauriel’s face changed very obviously at the sight of him. It meant that Thranduil got the news.

        “May we have a moment captain?”

        They walked to a quieter place to talk where no one could hear them. That was quite hard though, since elves had keen ears.

        “The king requests you don’t go to his quarters tonight, he will find you instead.”

        This was relieving yet still unnerving. The only thing on her mind was that she wished he didn’t have to risk himself. He was the king though, and maybe it was much easier for him to go by unnoticed. Tauriel nodded.

        “What does the forest look like now Merenor?” She asked after some time. Despite the fact that she wasn’t fighting, she was still worried about the world around her home. Her desire for going other places had diminished when traveling to Erebor. Legolas had made a good point that she swore an oath to her kingdom, and then later she swore personally to Thranduil that she would never leave him.

        “Pick up your weapons and see for yourself captain,” he replied. His face showed no hint of what he meant.

        Tauriel knew exactly why he said that. It was his way of motivation, and it nearly worked. She only nodded in response, knowing she could say nothing to defend herself any longer. She needed to get over her fears of failing someone again, and Merenor basically said that.

        After some time he left, and then she did too. But she didn’t go back to her room to dress in something fancy for the spring feast. She went to her tree. It had been ages since she had done this, and she felt it was the right time to do so now.

        There was hardly anyone around it, so she quickly climbed it to her branch.

        It was comforting to be there after so many months. She took a deep breath and felt the breeze of a spring evening that was flowing through the air. The calmness it gave her did wonders. She wasn’t around anyone trying to please them or meet their needs. This was the nicest thing of all.

        She imagined the feast to be starting up around this time, and hoped that no one would question her absence. It was hard staying under the radar now, but she was determined to stay sane at the very least.

        Though through all this calm and peace she felt, there was a hint of loneliness. She hoped Thranduil would find her here, and something told her he would. So she decided she was going to stay and wait for him until it was late. Hopefully by that time he would already be there, or she would be ready to see him again.

        She knew he would find her though, he always does.

* * *

 

        It was a long day for Thranduil, and the news of Tauriel being sought out by Lady Rainil didn’t help him. He knew it was starting to get crucial when it came to the secret of their relationship, and he needed to find the answer of revealing it soon.

        The feast started, and Thranduil took his seat in the dance hall to watch the festivities for a while, and as expected, Tauriel was not there.

        To avoid suspicion, he talked to a good number of council members and captains before slipping out to Tauriel’s chambers. He laid eyes on Lady Rainil chatting away with someone as he slipped out, so he knew she wouldn’t catch him leaving.

        He reached Tauriel’s quarters to find it empty. It was pure instinct that brought him to the tree right afterward.

        Sure enough, when he climbed it there she was, with her eyes closed and looking peaceful. He took her hand in his, and she smiled beautifully. He loved it when she smiled. It meant that there were still things in this dangerous world to be happy about.

        “I knew you would find me here.” She hummed.

        “If I hadn’t I would have panicked.” He admitted.

        At that she opened her eyes, and shifted herself next to him. “You don’t have to worry about me leaving again. I have no desire for that.”

        She confirmed her words by placing a kiss on his cheek, and then slowly making them travel down towards his neck. He felt her shiver, and these movements made him hold her close. He placed a kiss on her head to reciprocate her actions but in a sweeter way.

        “Shall we retire?”

        They climbed down the tree and snuck back to her quarters. There they fell onto her bed and all of their day’s worries were washed away in a sea of kisses. They did not go further than stripping down to their underclothes for fear that their actions would make too much noise. Tauriel did live near quite a lot of elves. Granted they were all at a party, they lost track of time every moment they were entranced in each other. The only time that mattered to them was daylight when they had to break apart.

        “The council meeting is soon Thranduil, how are you going to take Maein’s plea?” Tauriel said once they were just lying together.

        “It’s hard to say. I may leave it mostly up to the council to make the decision. We already know that Lady Rainil is going to say no, even if it is Maein’s idea.” Sometimes he wished he wasn’t someone of such high importance. There were too many troubles on his mind, and now even on his personal time he wouldn’t get a break from them.

        But to his luck, the conversation stopped there, and she fell asleep shortly after. He loved listening to her breath as it rose and fell. The rhythm of her heart soon soothed him to sleep too, and his last thought was a prayer that things would fall into place and they would both be at peace soon.

        But Thranduil was always known to have little luck, and something inside him knew that this would be their last night of true peace.

 


	2. Captain of the Guard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I want to say thank you to all have reviewed and followed with this story already. It means a lot and I am happy that people like what I am doing. Secondly, this chapter has a bit of adult themes in it so you have been warned. It's also probably the last fluff chapter before the angst comes in. So from here on out, take comfort in knowing things will be alright in the end :3 but I have to write drama otherwise this story will have no purpose. Well without further ado, here is the chapter. Please let me know what you think :)

        _She was outside looking at the world with a thin veil over her head. She sensed no darkness, even when she wandered beyond the borders of her home._

_Then suddenly there he was. Tauriel didn’t have to look up to know who it was. His presence changed the air and to her he made the clean forest slightly tenser. She wasn’t afraid though. This was the highlight of her life._

_She finally reached him, and stopped right in front of him. He lifted the veil, and tilted her chin up. But when she met Thranduil’s gaze, he was looking beyond her, and his eyes were wide._

_“It cannot be…” He whispered. She watched as his breath caught in his throat, and it made her heart drop._

_He let go of her, and actually pushed her aside. She turned around to watch him run up to a fair elven lady with golden hair that fell in long waves and touched the ground. She was glowing with pure radiance, and Tauriel knew who it was._

_Iestebeth was her name. But more importantly she was Thranduil’s wife. His bound lover for eternity. Something she could never be._

_The calmness and certainty faded, and she was whisked away. She was back in the Ravenhill, and surrounded by orcs. Kili was dead on the ground next to her._

_“You are a failure.”_

_She turned to see the voice belonged to Bolg. Her eyes were wide and aghast. She reached for her bow and arrows instinctively, but there was nothing. Tauriel was still in her white dress._

_Bolg started towards her, but she was already looking down at another orc blade that had pierced her from behind. She could only gasp and the red stained the white in her center, and she fell to her knees._

_He was right in front of her and she could feel his smile as the blade of his sword went to swing her head clean off her shoulders._

        She woke up with a gasp, and the arms that were around her felt constraining, and she threw them aside thinking that she was not worthy of them and never could be.

        “No, no!” She cried out as something tried to reclaim her.

        Thranduil held her shoulders as she was making sense of the world around her. But tears only came to her eyes, and he pulled her into him as the tears got worse. She knew he meant well, but it wasn’t helping at all. Of all the nightmares she’s had in the past few months, this was the worst of them all.

        After several moments she calmed down. Maybe it was Thranduil’s kisses that helped, but she felt greedy for receiving them.

        “Was it the war again?” He asked. By the time she had calmed down she was enveloped in his lap on the bed. He spoke into the top of her head as she leaned against his bare chest. Hard and tough it looked, it was actually soft and comforting though.

        “Yes.” She said quietly. It hurt her to lie, but she didn’t want to bring up anything that could make him worse. She knew he would convince her that he loved her, but when it came to her dream actually being real, she knows who he would choose.

        His response was holding her tighter. Then eventually he withdrew slightly and looked into her eyes. She showed no hint of anything else, because lying was something he would catch if she wasn’t careful.

        But he wasn’t searching for a lie; he was searching for her comfort. His lips were on hers at last, and she sank into the feeling, but fear just overcame her more and more. She withdrew as quickly as she sank in. That’s how it always was in the morning. She was always hesitant about waking up with him because she knew one of them had to leave.

        He wasn’t leaving though; he was kissing her neck with a fiery passion. It was almost as if he was afraid that she would disappear within the next second. She gasped instinctively at the feeling.

“One day you won’t be living in this room anymore, and we won’t have to leave each other.” She couldn’t count how many times he had said that. Maybe if he did enough it would be true. She wanted to be there already.

        “One day you will never say those words again.”

        He just smiled and placed a kiss at the very top of her head. Surprisingly she started to feel better, and she didn’t want to move anywhere else.

        Then suddenly she felt his fingers tearing off her bottom undergarment, and she gasped.

        “Thranduil, we can’t-“

        “Shh. Just trust me.”

        She decided to, and within the next moment he was on top of her with the undergarment torn away. He was staring into her eyes, and all worries left her temporarily.

        He gave her a deep kiss, and she made a muffled sound into his mouth as she felt his finger rubbing at her core. Her breathing immediately went ragged, and she surrendered herself to him. And after a few more kisses in her weak places, she was gone from the real world and into their secret one.

        “Any sounds you need to make are to be in my skin. I want to feel your voice this way on me.” His voice was deep and commanding, yet the reason why he said this was more for her protection.

        He plunged one finger in and her mouth bit down on his shoulder. She could feel him shivering at the feel of her voice vibrating on him. The vibration increased when he added a second and third finger.

        Because of their risk of being caught, Thranduil kept the pumping of his fingers slow, which meant it would go on for a long time. Had they been in his chambers, things would have definitely escalated by now.

        But they made do with what they had, and in a way it pleased them both to hear each other this way. Her muffled moans almost made his sighs break into small noises, and when he felt her hips moving against his hand, he nearly lost himself. She smiled at the way he tried to keep control.

        Finally she released, and he withdrew his fingers so he could inhale the wordless melody it created.

        When the heat subsided and the world slowly creeped in around her, she felt better. It almost made her question why her dream was such a worry in the first place.

        They bathed together in her small tub, neither of them spoke or did anything more than the occasional kiss, as they readied their minds for the day.

She gave him one more kiss on the cheek when he was all dressed in his disguise to go back to his own quarters. For the first time he didn’t indulge, and left after they exchanged a sincere ‘I love you.’

        Tears fell down her face again, and she began to wonder just how this could ever possibly work between them, or if it was even meant to be at all. But she recalled their time spent together just now, and it was almost as if Thranduil saw her dream and reassured her that it was okay. It made her wipe away the tears and let out one big sigh.

        After a long time, Tauriel finally got ready for the day, and as she did, her mind cleared the mush of the morning. Though the dream she had stayed, and she didn’t want to think of it anymore. So she thought of Thranduil instead, and it felt like she broke through a wall that she had been fighting against for several months now.

        Thinking of this, Tauriel finally put her dagger in her boot before she left her room for the day.

* * *

 

        Thranduil was still worried about Tauriel once he got back to his room. He nearly considered having a guard retrieve her, but it was always so risky. Even then, he still needed to confess his feelings. But he still wasn’t so sure how to do that either.

        All these thoughts were driving him mad.

        So he decided to deal with it by answering to the needs of his people, and it helped some to get his hearings done. Because that meant he would have less work to do later.

        After some time alone, a messenger from Dale arrived, saying that the rebuilding was nearly done, and that Bard had a gift for him to give his gratitude. This put Thranduil in a slightly better mood.

        Worry once again crossed his face when Tauriel entered the throne room though, because he knew she was taking a big risk to even come here.

        “I want to fight for you again. I don’t care if I am not a captain anymore; I just want to serve some purpose once again.” She looked completely serious, and her face showed no hint of anything else.

        His cold gaze fixed upon her, and he had to think of what he would have done to her if she wasn’t secretly sneaking away to his room every night.

        But it didn’t take long to know exactly what he would have done, and that was what he went with.

        “You are still my captain, and you will start patrolling again tomorrow if Feren deems you are physically ready for it again. He’s going to go over some skills with you, and then he will tell me whether you are ready or not. If you are, you will go back to your normal group, and if you aren’t you will keep working at your skills, and training new recruits.”

        He almost saw her smile, but thought it was his mind playing tricks on him.

        “Very well my lord. Thank you.”

        “You may go.”

        For the first time she left when he said she could, and chills ran through him to see her being so obedient. It made everything harder when it came to how he was going to tell the people in his kingdom that the elf he once considered a traitor was now his lover, and that his bond to his wife was officially broken.

* * *

 

        After Tauriel oversaw the healers’ doing self-defense again, a guard had sent for her to go to Feren. She was nervous about fighting again, but she knew she was ready, and the images of horrible things she caused were not going to be there when she picked up her weapons.

        She entered the training room, and there Feren was waiting with a bow. It wasn’t an ordinary bow though; she could tell it was custom-made.

        When she approached him he handed it to her. “The king himself had this made for you. He told me about your relationship with him after I questioned him a lot.”

        Tauriel wasn’t sure about how to feel knowing that Feren had knowledge of their relationship. But if Thranduil trusted him, then she should too.

        “I do not deserve this…” She whispered, her fingers lightly reaching out for the bow and yet not exactly touching them.

        He put the bow into her hand, and clasped her grip on it before stepping back. “Anyone who can change his heart deserves anything. I admit at first I was tempted to tell other elves to see what they thought, but I knew that if he hadn’t come clean about it he wouldn’t want me to either. He should be allowed happiness, and you are giving that back to him.” He gave her a friendly smile, and she wanted to cry.

        “I’ll be glad if the other elves react the same way you did when they know…”

        “Do not think about their opinions. Now, let me see what you can do.”

        She sighed, and reached for an arrow from the quiver he provided. She held both the bow and arrow for a good long moment before fitting them together in the way they should. She drew back her hand, and her eye was on the target. Her breath was shaky, and her form was lacking because she saw the target as Thranduil once more. It almost made her drop everything and shatter on the ground, but suddenly their moment this morning came to her mind. The way he smiled at her while giving her pleasure was something peaceful that made her finally break through the wall and run from it for good.

        As the guilt of what she had done left, her form immediately straightened, and she let go of the arrow. It hit the center straight on, and a breath of relief fell from her lips.

        Then she picked up her daggers again, and the memory she used to break through the orc and Kili, was the first time she ever picked the weapons up and inquired Legolas of their functions. It made her deeply miss her friend, but it also drove her to swing them around in the way she used to. When she was done, a rush of adrenaline surged into her, and she felt renewed. It didn’t mean that the memories of her mistakes were gone, but she finally broke past them, and she was ready to once again take on her role as captain of the guard.

        She hugged Feren and thanked him for everything, and she ran back to Maein’s quarters to tell her and Merenor the news.

        Once she got there, she found them sitting together and he was rubbing her stomach. She smiled at seeing them like that, and things seemed as if they were going to return to normal in that moment.

        After a while of staring, Maein noticed her. “So how did it go?” She looked down to see that Tauriel had her new bow, and smiled.

        “Your captain of the guard is back in action, and we are going to keep our home safe, together.”

* * *

 

        Thranduil was in his throne room still in the later hours of the day, when one of his council members came to him.

        Her name was Lady Feriadis, and she was definitely more reasonable than Lady Rainil but then again it seemed like almost everyone else was, especially when it came to the council.

        She had a look of inquiry on her face as she bowed to him, and it got his mind off thoughts of Tauriel and how she was probably fighting.

        “What brings you here?” He asked finally, with a monotone voice.

        “I have been hearing things about what is going to come up at the next council meeting my lord, and I wanted to inform you before they reached Lady Rainil and she tried to convince you to put an end to it.”

        He raised his eyebrows in interest, even though he knew what it was about.

        “Captain Tauriel is teaching healers how to fight, so they may be recruited for the army whenever the dark forces come.” There it was. The biggest issue and worry for the kingdom was now coming to light.

        “That woman never rests until she’s changed my entire kingdom around.” He said. Internally he meant it as a joke, but he couldn’t show that to the lady in front of him.

        “I think it’s a sound idea.” She stated seriously, which also internally made him glad.

        “How many other council members know of this?” He asked her then.

        “Just I and Lady Aderthadis, but I’m sure this will come to Lady Rainil’s ears in no time, which is why I came to you right away. I want to know what you think.” It was strange to know that this first came to his ears the moment they got back from war.

        “I neither for or against it right now, I need to think about this, and hear Tauriel’s case at the hearing. But that is only my answer as your king. As your fellow elf, I agree with you.”

        She smiled at his answer.

        Before they could say anything else, Feren entered the room with a pleasant look on his face. Thranduil had to do his best to not change his face, and quickly dismissed Lady Feriadis to go and consult the other three male council members of the idea, and then report back to him.

        After she left, Feren bowed. “Tauriel is going to return to her post as captain tomorrow and do patrols again.” At that Thranduil smiled.

        “Good.”

        “My lord, how are you going to tell people of the development between you two?” There it was again, his biggest concern. He sighed and put a hand on his forehead. “I do not know. But I swear it will be soon. It has to be.”

        “When I told her of your happiness, it seemed like a weight had been lifted off of her heavy face… My lord, tell me, how is it that you can do such intimate things again with another person?”

        He sighed again, louder this time. Then he descended from his throne and poured himself a glass of wine. “I cannot answer that. But what I can say is that I just feel these things, and I feel like I should be able to just tell my people that I can do what I want since I am king, but they deserve an explanation. I just need to explain myself clearly.”

        “Your people will follow you no matter what you do. They have all sworn to protect you.”

        “They have sworn to protect this kingdom, their home. I am just the person who runs it. What would they think of a king who has been secretly intimate with one of his captains? Who was once considered a traitor?” Thranduil began to wonder when Feren became his advisor too and not just his head of the army. It was nice to get some of his internal thoughts out to someone though.

        “If you show them your heart, then they will understand. You have always known though, that you can’t please everyone, but that is just something they have to deal with.” Feren’s face stayed completely neutral, and Thranduil was surprised. This whole development with Tauriel had changed his world. Maybe it’s for the better, because if he can find himself comfortable sharing something so personal with his head of army, then maybe he could do it with his entire kingdom too.

        “I need some time to find the right words then. Thank you Feren.” His new advisor just nodded his head.

        “I am going to take my leave now, my lord.” Thranduil nodded, and Feren left him flabbergasted for quite some time, before he went to his quarters for the night.

* * *

 

        After Tauriel had finished visiting with Maein and Merenor, she went to Thranduil’s quarters again. Hopefully no one was seeking her out this time, but it seemed as if she was passing by the elves unnoticed, and she relaxed.

        She had the strange feeling everything was going to fall into place.

        Thranduil was sitting in his study drinking wine when she entered it, and upon seeing her he immediately stood up to kiss her. It was sweet and loving, and she found herself getting lost in it.

        When they broke apart she smiled. “I am grateful for the new bow Thranduil. Thank you.” She held his hands gently, and studied his face.

        “I am just glad that the flames residing in you are growing again. I can see the Tauriel I love more and more each day.” He gave her another kiss on her forehead, and she was blushing and smiling.

        “You are too much, love.” She said.

        It pleased her to see the surprise in his face at hearing the nickname she gave him, it said wonders about where this was going between them now.

        “Lady Feriadis has learned of your training sessions.” He mentioned after some time. They were now sitting on his couch together sipping wine, which is what they usually did at the end of each day.

        “It’s only a matter of time before Lady Rainil finds out.” She said, letting out a sigh.

        At that he quickly tilted her head to look at him. “We have two positive votes. If they can convince the other three, then your change will be put into place. Do not worry about Lady Rainil just yet.”

        She smiled then, and her feeling about things falling into place was growing at the news. But it was not the time to dwell on it. She was alone with her lover, and she wanted him.

        There was no more talk of what is coming, and she did not ask him when he would confess his feelings again. The only thing that took place afterward was their feelings and desires.

        One special thing about this night when they joined was that for once she was on top and riding him like she was exploring the woods that surrounded them. She felt free; and she sung her pleasure to him as they released together. It felt glorious, and her dream earlier had faded into an abyss that was distant and unimportant like the world around her.

        As long as she was in Thranduil’s bed and arms, nothing else mattered. The world was eventually going to come back, but she paid no heed to it until it did.


	3. Love, or Duty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am sorry for this update taking so long, I have just been so busy but this is my last week of school, so after this week I will be updating a bit more frequently. Thank you once again to everyone who has reviewed and followed so far, I am very happy to see that people are enjoying this story. :3 Now before you read I am going to warn you that this chapter is kind of really angsty and I may have gotten a bit carried away, but nonetheless I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know what you think :3 I love reading your reviews haha alright now I will stop this and let you read now, enjoy!

Thranduil was awake before Tauriel that next morning, and while staring at her face he was deep in thought about the person he used to do this with.

        Besides Iestebeth, Legolas had slept next to him after her death if he ever needed comfort. He missed those days, when Mirkwood was still green and his son came to him for comfort and advice. They were long over, but not completely lost. Of course they wouldn’t ever sleep together again, but maybe Legolas would find it in his heart to confide in his father again Thranduil hoped.

        After a while he realized these thoughts took away from watching Tauriel’s breath rise and fall as she slept next to him. He wondered if she was having any dreams. Though for her, it is best she didn’t have them. Because he knew that her dreams often turned into nightmares. He had been through so many nights with her since the war ended. He couldn’t imagine a night without her now, because he would be so worried about her state.

        He faintly saw the sun rising through his thoughts, and decided it was time to wake Tauriel before she woke herself up with nightmares. He already saw that her breath was getting shorter, and her face was getting crumpled in distraught. He started brushing his lips against hers lightly, but he did not linger there. He immediately placed them upon the spot that made her gasp the most, which was the center of her throat. “Tauriel, you are with me. Everything is alright.”

        Her eyes opened slowly, and she took a deep breath in.

        “Did you dream at all?” He asked, his voice vibrating into her throat. He could feel her alertness as she took in the waking world.

        “Yes.” She said quietly. Her eyes were watering, but she didn’t let a tear fall. “How about you, love?”

        His heart jumped every time she called him that. But it was in a good way that it did so, and he was grateful for that. He nodded, and placed a kiss on her lips again; a reminder of what he wanted before she even thought about leaving.

        “How long had it been before me that you slept with someone next to you?” She asked. That question surprised him, but he wasn’t completely uncomfortable he realized.

        “I cannot gage the time difference nor do I wish to.” It was surprising to notice how easily he answered her. He decided to test the waters further with his memory.

        “My wife and I hardly slept though, she loved looking at the stars, and I loved watching her look at them. Maybe it was only natural she be among them.”

        Tauriel responded to that with a kiss on his cheek. He felt warm by it, even if it wasn’t one of the more passionate ones they shared. Tauriel made simplicity a wonderful thing.

        “If only I could see the stars again. I love those lights the best, even more because I am with you.”

        Thranduil agreed with her. And then he remembered something. It struck a really hard nerve in him, but he got over it before she was awake and alert enough to realize. He eventually eased back into his calm mood, but he also realized there was a place where they could, but the very thought of it gave him the chills. So many old memories of that place sprung up at once, and he felt shaky. Maybe with Tauriel those old memories would be replaced with new ones. That was what he hoped at least.

        After much thought during their kisses, he came to a decision.

        “Tonight I have to show you something. It will be your reward for going out to the forest again.” He smiled to her, thinking of the place again and the fond memories that happened there.

        Tauriel seemed amused, so she nodded and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “That gives me enough drive to venture out to the forest again. I fear what state it’s in though.”

        Thranduil cringed, because he did know what the forest’s state was due to the reports from Merenor and the other official guard captains. The best thing was that the forest sickness did not reach the kingdom yet, and he was determined enough to keep it that way.

        They spent the rest of their morning embracing and kissing, and then Tauriel left. He couldn’t bring himself to tell her once more that one day she would not have to sneak out. He still didn’t know what to do on the matter, he knew he just needed the right time to announce it, and things would hopefully be fine. If not, he was the king and he did not have to listen to anyone, but that would surely empty these halls, even now.

        It comes down to a possible choice; the choice of love, or duty.

        Thranduil did not have an answer for which one he would pick right away. But it mattered not at the moment. He had things to do and places to be. So finally he got ready. The only thing on his mind was Tauriel, and her reaction to what he was going to show her that night.

        Upon getting to the throne room though, Lady Feriadis was waiting for him once more, and her face was somewhat grim. His light mood immediately darkened.

        “What troubles bring you here Lady Feriadis?” He asked sincerely.

        She looked him straight in the eyes, and took a deep breath. “Is it true that Tauriel pointed her arrow at you back at Dale?”

        Those words definitely hit him hard in the heart, and the scene replayed in his mind, but he didn’t let the sadness of remembering overcome him.

        He furrowed his brow. “Who told you this and how many people know?”

        “My son told me last night. He said he just couldn’t live with the guilt of keeping something like that a secret, and before I told anyone else I wanted to confirm it with you, so it is true isn’t it?” Her face was one of shock, as she started to realize it was true.

        “Bring your son to me, so I can remind him some things. Now as for the credibility of his story, it is true. But I have met with Tauriel after the battle and we came to a personal agreement. She will not defy me or this kingdom any longer, and I can assure you of that. Too much time has passed for it to be of any use, so do not speak of it to anyone else. From what I hear Tauriel has suffered enough, and I do not want someone valuable to me and the kingdom to be chastised by it.”

        She seemed to ease up slightly, but the weight of their conversation got to her. “I will bring my son in now.”

        She left, and he ascended to his throne and plopped into it with a big sigh. There was no way he could proclaim his love without the assurance of his council members. He was just glad that of all people, Lady Feriadis was the one to have accidentally found out. He feared for Tauriel’s safety in the kingdom now, because if others were to start slipping, too many people would know and it would rage out of his control. This was how Mirkwood elves were, less wise and more dangerous.

* * *

 

        Tauriel reached her room and started getting ready immediately. Her nerves were high for some reason. While Thranduil had reassured her that she would be alright in the woods protecting their home again, she wasn’t so sure herself. But the thought came across her mind that she was still alive, and that eased her a bit.

        Her heart jumped again though, when there was a knock on her door. She answered it to find Lady Rainil.

        “How is it you are still a captain of the guard after all you’ve done?” She asked her. Tauriel’s heart was threatening to pop out its chest, but she kept the cool on her face.

        “Because I am one of the best, and the king sees it. Though I admit I was not expecting to get the title back myself, and yet here I am getting ready to defend my home.”

        Lady Rainil was not pleased with that response. Her lips pursed for a second while she came up with a comeback, but before she could even say anything more, Tauriel put her hand up to silence her.

        “My lady may I ask why you always chastise me so? What have I ever done to deserve such belittlement from you?”

        “Because you think you can do what you want and get away with it because the king favors you.” Tauriel couldn’t stop her from speaking that time.

        “I do not get away with doing what I want, I am just the only one who has ever dared to reason with him and gotten a positive answer. It’s not easy doing so either, it hurts to argue and try to get past the armor that he puts up for everyone, but once I do, the outcome is worth it.”

        Lady Rainil let out a laugh, and Tauriel was just about to smack her. If she imagined her as an orc rather than an elegant-looking lady with a sour face, it would be much easier to. But Tauriel wanted to reason with this woman too, so that she may finally see some peace.

        “This is just too funny to hear. I already know your secret.”

        Tauriel kept her face as stoic as possible, but she was sure the sound of her heartbeat was enough to give her away.

        “I do not know what you are talking about.” She said calmly, not trusting herself to say too much, or even lash out. The urge for both was getting higher.

        “I know why you visit the healing room everyday, and I know about what my daughter is trying to convince the council of on the next session. I am here to tell you it will not work. Not if you’re behind it.”

        “I’m not behind it. I am simply teaching those women how to defend themselves, and they are all promising. I am just the captain of the guard now. But your daughter is suggesting something revolutionary, and it’s a shame that you’re not going to support her.” Tauriel relaxed only just slightly. She didn’t want to give away the fact that she was relieved, but it just went to show how tired she was of this.

        “It’s not my daughter’s idea, it’s yours. This has your name written all over it.”

        Tauriel sighed, and she just couldn’t take anymore.

        “What’s the matter? Am I too much for you?”

        She hit the doorway to her room, and it made a loud enough noise to make the lady jump back and her eyes grow wide. It was obvious how pitiful she was. Tauriel smirked.

        “I will hear no more of your bad judgements. Why don’t you go make yourself useful and help our kingdom for good? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere to be.” She walked past her and her smirk grew bigger when she saw her flinch away as she did so.

        But once she turned the corner, she let out a big sigh. For a moment, she wished she had a stare like Thranduil’s. She wouldn’t have to show her true strength to get someone to back off.

        These thoughts made her head spin as she made her way to the weaponry to get her equipment. When she put the items on her again, the weight they had felt heavy for her. It had been a long time and she was not used to it. Nonetheless, she kept them on. Hopefully she would get back into her routine in no time.

        But looking at the chest of equipment next to her that belonged to Legolas, her heart sunk a bit.

        Her group of elves finally walked in, and they had unsure looks on their faces. Tauriel took a deep breath, and suddenly remembered she was a captain again. She had power again.

        “I know what you all must be thinking, and it is a strange thing that I am still with this title. But, the king and I came to an agreement after the battle had ended, and I will not leave my post or break my oath again. I am loyal to this kingdom until the day I die.”

        She knew it sounded awkward, but she had to say it one way or another, and thankfully the guards understood.

        But one of them stepped up, and he had a face of great concern.     

        “I broke the king’s rule to not speak of it to anyone… I told my mother Lady Feriadis. But the situation has cleared up now and… After hearing you now, I truly believe now that you will do no harm in anyway.”

        Tauriel’s heart was beating fast at that statement, but she still held it together. She let out a simple nod to him.

        “Has anyone else spread the news?” She asked in a deep, almost frightening voice, and all the elves shook their heads. She let out a silent breath of relief.

        “We will defend you Tauriel, nothing’s changed.” Another elf said, and her group nodded in unison. A genuine smile spread across her face. It’s true things weren’t the same, but her group has decided not to care and just move along. So Tauriel will do the same.

        “Thank you. Now that that’s all settled, show me the forest.”

* * *

 

        As the day progressed for Thranduil, his sense of unease grew. How could he be so sure that neither Lady Feriadis nor her son was going to keep quiet about Tauriel’s act in Dale?

        His thoughts were interrupted by Lady Rainil, who was walking in very brusquely.

        “If you have come to me to talk about Tauriel, I do not wish to hear it.” He said right away. There was simply no time to deal with her nonsense. He was expecting messengers from Galadriel and Elrond that contained answers to very important questions he had. They were certainly more important than the lady’s complaints, as they were very large lately.

       “So my voice doesn’t matter to you anymore, is that it?” Her face and voice were anything but graceful, and he did not like it.

        “I never said that. I just do not want to hear anything more about your negativity towards Tauriel. Nothing you say will make me change my mind about her.”

        “What about the fact that she is teaching women how to fight?”

        She was really getting out of hand he realized, and he almost forgot who he was. Tauriel stepped boundaries yes, but not in a very annoying and unreasonable way like Lady Rainil was doing right now.

        “She told me it was self-defense, and I have allowed it. Now please leave, or I will have the guards do so. I am in absolutely no mood to be arguing. I just want one day of peace.” He gave her a frightening look to show that he was serious.

        She did step back, and the guards prepared to grab her arms as Thranduil waved his hand for them to do it.

        But to his relief, she bowed. “I apologize, my lord. I won’t discuss her with you again.” He could see in the way she walked out that it still wasn’t over. But for him it was.

        A thought then occurred in his mind about Lady Rainil, and Maein. How is it that Maein was somehow better at not overstepping her boundaries than her mother? He did recall that they did indeed have similarities, but they did not seem to be directly inherited.

        But all thoughts stopped when the messenger arrived with the letters from Rivendell and Lothlorien. He had other business to tend to. He thought of seeing Tauriel once again to calm his mood, and he began to read and decipher the letters so that he could respond to them again.

* * *

 

        Tauriel immediately knew how much the sickness had gone into their borders by the time they had walked a good amount of miles from their home. It sickened her.

        They came across spiders, but Tauriel found that it was tougher to fight them, and she learned their poison was also more dangerous and took days to heal.

        But just walking through the forest and seeing the change, was a depressing thing. She didn’t know how much she would be able to handle.

        “This isn’t just Mirkwood anymore… It should be now called Sickwood.” Tauriel said half-joking yet half grim. Merenor let out a small smirk next to her.

        “Don’t lose hope Tauriel, wait until we keep going.” He assured her.

        They walked to the very edge of their borders, and suddenly the air was lighter. It was still Mirkwood air, but not the thick air that threatened to intrude into her lungs. She gasped at this revelation.

        “Could this air be a thick cloud that might just be passing through?” She asked her group, but they didn’t give her an answer.

        “Since we knew you were coming back today, we didn’t tell the king, and we thought this would be a good piece of information to tell him. It would certainly spark a remedy, don’t you think?” Merenor’s face was kind, and she wanted to cry.

        The way back was felt long, and maybe it was because the thick air was back.

        Suddenly, in a matter of seconds, Tauriel found herself standing in front of a bleeding elf that had been poisoned by a spider that was going to jump on her.

        After dispatching the spider she acted fast and put a remedy on the wound, but it didn’t seem to be making a difference. The color was draining out of him quickly, and he was coughing up blood. All around them there was fighting, and she was trying her best to save him. She chanted many prayers, but none of them were useful. He did not change. It was then she realized it was the one who told his mother about her act of defiance.

        “Captain, no matter what you do, know that I would have followed you, to the very end. That is why I gave my life for yours.”

        “No, no it doesn’t have to be this way! I can save you.” Tears were falling from her eyes. Her fears were coming alive again, and all the horrifying images of the war flashed through her mind again.

        _You are a failure. You can’t save anyone, let alone yourself._

“Tell my mother it’s alright. She will understand. She knows the oath I took, and that was to protect this kingdom, and I am…”

        He was no more after that.

        The rest of the walk home was silent, and Tauriel was silently crying, yet still on high alert. Her group carried the lifeless elf, and when they got back to the gates of the kingdom, they took him to the healing room.

        Maein happened to be in there talking to Naradeth when they arrived. When she saw Tauriel she walked up as fast as she could to her. She took in the situation, and Merenor filled her in.

        Tauriel wasn’t in the room though, she was back at the Ravenhill, staring at Kili’s dead body, and once again was reminded of what she failed to do. And the only thing that she wanted to feel was her own death.

        Her friend brought her back though, and comforted her for a long while.

        “He did not die in vain Tauriel. Please know that. You must know that. We cannot afford to dwell in the past. You have to be here with us.”

        Her words were working, until Lady Feriadis walked in, and she nearly dropped to the floor when she saw her son, but kept her ground. Tauriel immediately went up to her.

        “I know what happened, and I want you to know everything is okay. Your secret is safe. I feel even more comfortable keeping it and supporting you, because I know you tried to save his life as well.”

        The lady actually gave Tauriel a hug, and whatever fears ran through Tauriel’s mind were whisked away by the embrace of someone she caused pain.

        “He was very loyal, to the end. He wanted to you to know that it was alright.” Her voice was breaking as she told this to his mother.

        “It will be. Do not fret child.” She pulled away and Tauriel let out a huge sigh. Her tears were finally slowing down. She knows now who she needs to be with, and went straight to the throne room once her face had dried of her tears.

        Though on her way there, she felt a fire starting up in her, so she knew she had to be careful about the exchange she was about to have with her ‘secret’ lover.

        She couldn’t stand having to hide so many things anymore, nor have people die so that the secret could be kept. She feared that many more would die because of her. Two have already, and she cannot afford to have one more go for the sake of her. It was just selfish.

* * *

 

        Thranduil was about to retire to the study when Tauriel entered. She was in her guard uniform again, and he liked seeing her that way. It meant she was doing something again, and she was on her way to healing from the wounds of war.

        But his face dropped when he saw the tear stains on her cheeks.

        “Leave us.” He commanded the guards, and they did. After that, he descended down to her and immediately pulled her into an embrace and kissed the top of her head.

        “The first thing I must tell you before we get serious is that, at the very edge of our borders the air is clearer again.”

        This was good news to him, but it certainly wasn’t the reason she was crying. He pulled away to look at her, and silently nodded for her to continue talking.

        His heart dropped as she told him the events of the day, and how the one he had yelled at earlier for not keeping a secret died for them both, and he knew Tauriel’s guilt.

        “Thranduil… I’m tired of living like this. I’m tired of Lady Rainil constantly coming to my door trying to fight me on everything I do. I’m tired of keeping secrets, and having people die for it.” She had a hard face, and he wished that the face wasn’t so familiar. He braced himself for the stinging words that had yet to leave her lips, but knew were coming.

        “My dear Tauriel… Soon you will have fewer worries.” He replied, stroking her hair. To his surprise though, she backed away.

        “You say things like that too many times my lord. I have grown tired of hearing that and everyday it is the same.” Her voice was low, and it held a ferocious tone. He did not like this. Things almost felt as if they weren’t in love, but he knew he was, and he also knew his determination.

        “Please do not put me in this position.” He argued. His own voice was getting lower and he was hardening his face in defense.

        “Tell me then, how you plan to let this out? How do you plan to tell your people; some of which know that I have pointed my bow at you, that we are in love? My lord it just doesn’t make sense anymore.” Tears were pricking at her eyes again, and his heart fell. He did not have an answer for her.

        After too much silence between them, Tauriel stepped back completely, and her face hardened. Her hands went behind her back formally, like she did when she was only his captain of the guard. He wanted to grab her and snatch her back, but he knew she wouldn’t let him.

        “I think we need to reassess this relationship then…” She said quietly. He knew it hurt her to say those words. He knew, but he couldn’t do anything. He made no response.

        “I bid you farewell, my lord.”

        He felt his heart shatter as she walked out in a businesslike manner. It was agonizing to watch her go.

_You can fix this. You will fix this._

        He stood there in silence for a few moments, trying to think of ways to make it right again, to have her want to be with him again comfortably. The only solution though, was telling the kingdom about his love for her. He just wasn’t ready for that.

        She put him in an unreasonable position, but still he knew that it was completely reasonable. His head was spinning.

        That night he did not sleep. Because if he did, he feared he wouldn’t wake up or that horrifying images would just take place in his head. He paced around his room, worrying about Tauriel, and as his worry grew, he eventually intoxicated himself to numb the pain.

        He found himself waking up on his couch the next morning, and the sadness of what had happened hit him again. The morning just reconfirmed that Tauriel had gotten angry with him, and because he didn’t want to hurt her fragile soul, he let her go.

        Maybe she was right after all, and some distance was the best thing for both of them, for now at least.


	4. Purpose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is a somewhat angsty chapter for you guys. And before you read I am going to say that I have twisted some canon things about elves that may or may not be true, but I am putting it here for the sake of fitting the story. So because I am doing that I suppose I should say that I do not own any of the LOTR Hobbit material. These things have just been twisted for the sake of entertainment and all that. With that said, I hope you like what I came up with. Please leave a review and tell me what you think! I should have the next chapter up sometime by the end of this week, but no promises on that. Now enjoy the chapter! ^^

        Tauriel did not sleep for three days. She couldn’t trust herself to not have terrifying dreams anymore. She walked away from Thranduil and realized that the pain it brought her was unbearable. While most saw it as her probable guilt for causing the death of Lady Feriadis’ son, she saw it as her distancing herself from Thranduil. She realized a moment too late that she was being unreasonable with him again, and she couldn’t blame him for anything. But then again, he needed to know what was on her mind as well.

        It was a constant battle in her mind between staying away and running to him. She hadn’t even seen him these past few days, not even to report their findings in the woods. She sent Merenor to do it, and he understood.

        Within those days as well, Lady Rainil had tried to visit her for more chastisement, but Tauriel hopefully scared her off for good with a sour face. It conveyed just how much she couldn’t deal with her world around her.

        She began to wonder if she would ever find peace.

        On the fourth day of spending the night alone, she actually did fall asleep, and she woke up screaming with the nightmares that it contained. No one came to her aid though, there were absolutely no gentle kisses or reassurances that she was here now and that she was okay.

        She realized then just how terrible her existence was, and began to lose hope for everything.

        After she calmed down, she finally got ready and visited Maein to see how she was holding up. Her stomach was getting bigger and it was harder for Maein to do anything. She worried about how she was going to deliver a proposal to the council when they held their next session.

        “I can talk to the king for you and make things right.” Maein offered. She was sitting in her usual comfy chair and sipping a mixture of herbs that helped with the pains her unborn child was giving her.

        Tauriel simply shook her head. “You need to rest. If you want that child to come out right you can’t stress yourself with my problems. Besides, I think it’s a good thing I have kept my distance with him lately. Things are getting far more dangerous to be sneaking around. I feel like we might be attacked by something.”

        “I can see the lost hope in your eyes Tauriel. Don’t try to mask your pain from me.”

        “I’m not trying to do that it’s just… I need to keep my mind occupied with other things, or else I will fall away to nothing in my sadness. But even then I am stuck. I don’t know what purpose I serve in being here anymore, when all I do is cause problems. I don’t save anyone.”

        At that Maein actually stood up. It was a great effort for her to do so, which made Tauriel step to help her. But by the time she reached her she was already standing. Maein grabbed her shoulders really hard and gave her an angry stare.

        “How could you say such a thing? Tauriel your life matters. You cannot just discount yourself as a pawn to serve the king. You two are in love! I see it—“

        Tauriel covered her mouth. “I do not know if this is love anymore, and I am not even a pawn. I am just chaos that sends this whole kingdom into frenzy with everything I do. I know that someone is just waiting to get their ears to hear this, but they will not, even if it isn’t true anymore.”

        She wrenched free from Tauriel’s mouth. “It is true. Please don’t do something reckless Tauriel. Your life is precious value; If not to the king then to me. You have helped me through so much, and you do not deserve to suffer. Just let me help you please.” Maein was actually near tears, and it broke Tauriel’s heart.

        But she guided her friend back down to her chair, and gave her a small hug.

        “I fear I may be beyond help now.” She said quietly, and then left.

* * *

 

        The days following without Tauriel were numb for Thranduil, and he wasn’t surprised to see Merenor giving Tauriel’s report. At the end of every one, he asked how Tauriel fared. Merenor replied with the same answer: she looked fine.

        They both knew that was a lie.

        When Thranduil wasn’t worrying about the kingdom, he was trying to figure out ways to get Tauriel back, and confess his love. But he found himself trying too hard and burning out of ideas. It almost seemed like there was no way to do this.

        But he was determined, and he wanted to find a way.

        Thranduil was currently sitting on his throne, when Feren came in to interrupt his thoughts, but he realized soon why his new advisor was here, and it somewhat gave him hope.

        “What brings you here, Feren?”

        The elf smiled and bowed his head. They both knew the answer, but it was better to be formal. “I am here to listen. What happened between you and Tauriel? She’s seemed quite down as of late, and she comes to the training room every night to destroy the practice body I have set up for new recruits.”

        “She walked out on me. I think the main reason for that is because she is scared of the secrets and what has happened because of it.”

        “You missed the big reason I’m afraid.”

        Thranduil couldn’t believe it, Feren was retorting back to him. Maybe it was a sign of how soft he’s been, especially lately. But it still took stepping over a certain line to make him angry, and Tauriel has indeed changed and affected him in ways he couldn’t have imagined. He truly missed her presence, and it won’t be too long until he goes completely insane because she isn’t with him.

        He went back to Feren’s words, and remembered the big reason why Tauriel walked out. It was because of him. He thought he could just keep it a secret, but she was right. There were way too many things at stake. But then again when he looked at it from his point of view as a king and her ruler, it was starting to seem like what she did was justifiable, and it took just a few long moments to let her go completely.

        Except, he did that, and it didn’t work.

        He let out a big sigh, and rested his head on his fist. “I am well aware of what I forgot to mention.”

        “My lord, I do not think I can advise you any further on this situation. I have already sworn to keep this a secret so I can’t ask what anyone else might think of it, but I believe that if you have good reasoning, your people will follow.”

        “Is love a good enough reason?” It was so weird to wear this kind of expression in front of Feren. He was probably amazed behind that neutral face.

        “I believe it is.”

        That voice made them both jolt. It didn’t come from him, it came from a woman. Soon enough, Lady Feriadis showed her face, and she was smiling. Thranduil however, felt a little too vulnerable, and cursed at himself for being so careless at that moment.

        “My lady, what brings you here?” He asked, and in a bit of an irked tone.

        “I just wanted to talk to you about the other councilmembers and where they stand on letting females fight, and I am here to tell you it’s going to be an even match. Lord Lanthirdir and Lord Heriedir have already been convinced by Lady Rainil on why it is a bad idea. However, I got Iuithon to side with myself and Lady Aderthadis.”

        “How long had you been listening to this conversation?” The news she brought was not pleasing to Thranduil, and it meant that he was going to have to be the tiebreaker. He was going to have to consider it now, and actually listen to both sides, so it seems fair.

        “I have been here long enough to know about your true feelings. You need not worry though, I have no intention of saying anything about this to anyone else, but I suggest you don’t keep Tauriel waiting too long. If you do she may leave.” He was beginning to realize just how odd this situation was.

        “Do you know anything about that?” He asked nonchalantly.

        Lady Feriadis shook her head. “Tauriel can leave in a number of ways. The look she wore on her face was grave, like maybe she had seen something.

        Thranduil didn’t want to consider it though. He finally straightened himself up and thought about the information that she brought. His own problems would have to come a little later.

        “I will think on it more. Now you said that two of the lords aren’t in favor of women being allowed to fight?”

        The lady nodded, and Thranduil let out a sigh, but it wasn’t one of discontent, it was one of slight annoyance. He really didn’t want to go through the process of reasoning it out or being a tiebreaker. But it was his job, and he had to be fair, and listen with an open mind.

        “Very well, bring both Lords in and I will speak to them on the matter.” Both elves left, and for once his mind did not go back to mush when they did.

        He had a long evening in front of him, and he really just wished he could retire now and find Tauriel. Maybe it was time to speak with her and reason. If their love was strong enough, they would get through this. They have already been through a lot together, and thinking on her last words about reassessing, he knew there was no need.

        By the time he had made up his mind, both lords had entered, and he braced himself to get this over quickly so he could find her, and tell her what is on his heart.

* * *

 

        Tauriel spent a long time in the training room trying to get her skills back on par so that she could be more useful in the patrols. She fought past her struggles enough that they didn’t happen anymore. The only time she saw herself failing was in sleep, so she didn’t want to do that anymore.

        Though even not sleeping was a risk, so she was at a loss of what was right.

        ‘ _Talk to Thranduil,’_ she thought. But the other side of her immediately shook that away, because she had to stand by her reasoning. And thinking of the last thing she said to him about reassessing her relationship with him, she was thinking that maybe with time she would just forget about them ever having any more intimacy. It saved her a lot of trouble and hassle. She would no longer have anything to hide.

        Because on the fourth day without a word from him about informing his people about what they did together, things seemed pretty adamant now when it came to where he stood. Her head was clearing out the mush that she might have thought was love.

        In the days past when she tried, somehow she felt his embrace and she almost fell to the ground in agony.

        _If this is what love is I do not want it._

Before that pain had the chance to overcome her again, she had to report for her patrol. So she did, but was there a little bit later than she expected.

        In fact, the patrol was starting to leave without her.

        And in the woods, the thick air was so close to the kingdom now. Her fatigue slowed her down too, but she didn’t notice. She wasn’t paying attention to it.

        It didn’t occur to her just how out of it she was until orcs were popping up all around them.

        She sprang and the elves sprang into action, slaying orcs left and right. As if that wasn’t enough trouble already, the enhanced spiders also showed up. The scene was too much for Tauriel, but she didn’t realize.

        And then she got stabbed, right in the stomach where her scar from the spider was.

        She cried out in agony, but killed the orc and a few more around her until she fell to the ground. Her consciousness was going in and out.

        Through it, she saw that as the fighting was dying down, her group of elves was surrounding her. But they only looked down, not bothering to do a thing. She couldn’t speak, and her breath was coming short. But she heard some of the terrible things they were saying.

        “We should just kill her here. It will save the kingdom some trouble.”

        “Who cares what the king says, once a traitor, always a traitor.”

        Through them she heard Merenor’s voice. “Stop it all of you! She is your own kin! Why would she be on anyone else’s side?”

        “End me.” Tauriel managed to croak out.

        One of them actually raised their dagger, and she couldn’t make out his face, but before he did anything, he was knocked to the side by someone that wasn’t Merenor.

        She didn’t know it was actually Naradeth until she heard her voice.

        “You are not going anywhere. You’re going to be okay.” That was the last thing she heard before everything went numb.

* * *

 

        Thranduil had just finished listening to the lords’ opinion on the matter of women fighting, and was about to make his decision when Merenor came in. He was sad to see it still wasn’t Tauriel, but then worry entered his face when he saw that Merenor wasn’t wearing his normal neutral look. Instead, it was replaced with one that was serious.

        Before he could ask, Merenor spoke.

        “We were attacked by orcs and spiders today. One of our men captured one and it has been taken to Feren for questioning. The reason for that is so that you can come with me. Tauriel has been injured and she is unconscious.”

        _She could leave you in a number of ways. Death might be one of them._

He didn’t care anymore who saw him going to the quarters of Maein and Merenor, but the look he wore on his face was neutral. He didn’t want anyone to see what he was feeling.

        Once there, his mask dropped, and his stomach churned as he saw a very pale Tauriel lying on a bed that was transported from the healers’ room. She looked the same as she did when the spider had attacked her. But the wound on her stomach looked worse.

        Next to Tauriel he saw one of the healers, and noticed she was wearing a guard uniform that was a bit large on her. In the distance he saw Maein, who was crying. The whole entire scene wasn’t pretty.

        He got angry when he learned of how some of her own patrol was talking about killing her.

        Many hours passed by her side and she was healed to best of all of their abilities, but once she woke she would need some days to recover. He swore to be there when she woke up, unless there was something more important than just the daily report. He feared that the moment he left her side she would truly be gone, and he would not have a chance to say a thing to her.

        “What are you going to do when she wakes up my lord?” Maein asked from her chair. There had been a long silence after their chanting was over, and he realized how awkward it was when she finally spoke.

        “Tell her I love her, and that I am going to make things right.” He didn’t look up when he spoke. He watched Tauriel intently, hoping that she would wake up soon.

* * *

 

        _After Tauriel was healed, she became aware of it because she had entered a dream state that was unnatural for her. She was looking at the room she was currently in, where Thranduil was next to her and talking to Maein. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, she could only see them._

_“Am I dead?” She asked out loud, to no one in particular._

_“No.” A gentle voice said, which made Tauriel look around in worry. But soon her answer appeared, as she laid eyes upon a figure that showed before her eyes._

_It was Iestebeth. Tauriel knew her image from the dream she had that one morning. Tauriel immediately looked concerned, and felt ashamed. She bowed her head._

_“My lady.” She said quietly._

_Iestebeth put a hand up though, and walked over to her for reassurance, though Tauriel only felt guilt._

_“I am not angry with you Tauriel. I am very actually very happy for you both. Please allow me to explain.”_

_Tauriel looked up, and she saw the genuine expression the former queen held on her face. So she nodded, and waited for her to continue._

_“Thranduil and I are technically not married anymore. You see what I am now don’t you? I am but a mere spirit that guides the most injured souls back to their bodies. I was given the special task of doing so for you, so I could explain why you two desire each other.”_

_Tauriel gasped at the realization. The fact that she was just a spirit meant that she would not be reincarnated in another world, which explained why Thranduil did have room to love again. It was something unnatural and unheard of, yet it was somewhat amazing. For her it was, at least._

_Before anything else could happen though, another figure appeared in the room. It was Queen Galadriel, and the expression she had on her face was the same as the people in the room that were actually conscious._

_“My lady, what brings you here?” The former queen asked._

_“I have come to warn Tauriel about something. While what you have said to her is true, I saw something terrible that happened when she woke. Yes, this situation is very unheard of for the three of you, but before Tauriel can be at peace, she must leave Mirkwood for a while.”_

_Now Tauriel was confused, and her head was suddenly spinning, despite the fact that she was in a dream state where it wasn’t possible._

_“May I ask why?”_

_Before anything was said, Galadriel had planted her vision in Tauriel’s head._

_It starts out peaceful, with their reunion happening, but she then sees flashes of him speaking out to his people. It must have been his confession because their reactions are certainly wild. Then the vision cuts directly to multiple elves trying to kill her, and the whole kingdom is tearing itself apart in debate. Then orcs come to attack, and the vision ends, clearly stating what will happen._

_“I don’t understand, how will me being absent fix anything?” She asked once it ended. She didn’t realize it but tears were falling down her face._

_“The elves that wanted to kill you have been influenced by a certain individual, and until she is dealt with, and the second wave of orcs has gone away, I will send word to Thranduil of where you are if we have both seen a future where Mirkwood survives.”_

_For the first time Tauriel understands, and she’s sad to have to leave, but she knows now that she must. If it means that not being a part of their lives for a while will save them, then she’ll do it. She nods._

_“I will have one of my men meet you at the shore of Lake Esgaroth; I know you can make it there.” Galadriel said._

_“Good luck, and know that I am watching you both with a smile on my face.” Iestebeth added in the last moment before she made it ready for her to wake._

Her eyes fluttered open and she breathed in softly, making everyone in the room aware of her state. She first saw Thranduil, and tears flooded her eyes. He quickly wiped them away, and she indulged in the warmth he provided.

        She sat up, and the herbs covering her stomach fell to her legs as she did. Thranduil gasped to see that the wound closed up.

        “Tauriel, I am a fool.” He started, but as he opened his mouth to say more she stopped him.

        “I was being unreasonable with you, I realize that now.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before their lips met at last. She remembered seeing this in Galadriel’s vision. In order to prevent everything else, she had to leave. She decided in this moment, as their lips were fused, that she wasn’t going to tell him.

        Fate decided to be on her side, as Merenor cleared his throat to make himself known. They broke apart, and looked at him. Tauriel blushed because she became aware of her appearance in that moment.

        “Feren wants to speak with you my lord, the orc has been drained of information. It is urgent.” He kept his face surprisingly neutral, which showed what a good soldier Merenor was. “Glad to see you awake Tauriel.” He added after a pause.

        Thranduil straightened out. “Come with me Tauriel, you might want to hear this.”

        Tauriel gave Maein a look, and realized that Maein was in pain. But it seemed as if she was faking it, and faking it well.

        “It’s best if I stay here and look after Maein. She looks like she’s in pain.” She gave him another quick kiss on the cheek. “We’ll see each other again, I swear.”

        He left then, and Tauriel quickly grabbed Maein’s guard clothes and put them on. Thankfully they were about the same size, but Maein looked concerned.

        “Why are you putting on my uniform?” She asked.

        “I have to leave, before Thranduil realizes what I am doing.” Tauriel replied. “When I was unconscious, I spoke with his former wife, who told me why we desire each other, but before she could wake me up, Lady Galadriel appeared and told me that if I stayed here the kingdom would fall.”

        “Tauriel, why would the kingdom fall if you stayed?”

        “Your mother influenced the elves against me, and there are more orcs coming I need you to tell Thranduil to not speak of me until he gets word of where I am.”

        Maein looked like her head was spinning, but she nodded.

        “Will you be back before the baby comes?” That made Tauriel freeze, and she realized then, that she still had purpose. She sighed, and shrugged. “I hope so.” Was all she said.

        She gave Maein a long hug. “Tell Thranduil that I meant the last words I said, that we will see each other again. Now goodbye.”

        “Goodbye.”

        She went back to her room first to get her bow and necklace, hoping it still had the charm on it that would let her go out unseen.

        With little luck though, Lady Rainil happened to be the one who saw her. And of course she knew a lot more now.

        “Well if it isn’t our little traitor running up and about so soon. Tell me, what did you have to do for the king to make him keep it quiet?” Her voice was high with confidence, and Tauriel realized that she had the perfect opportunity to do something she had wanted to do for a long time.

        She punched Lady Rainil in the face, knocking her straight back and unconscious.

        “That should keep you quiet for a while.” Tauriel said with a satisfied look. For some reason, now that she was awake, her energy had been renewed again. Maybe it was the fact that Thranduil had healed her well, and they were on good terms again. Nonetheless, she was determined to do what was best for her kingdom.

        Once she climbed over the tree and ran to Lake Esgaroth though, she felt extremely lonely once more.

        She stopped halfway there, and looked back. She could no longer see the kingdom, but she knew it was there somewhere amongst the trees. Tears fell down her eyes, knowing that it might be some time before she was able to come back.

        With the new hope that things would work out after all, Tauriel set out once more.

        There was a Lothlorien guard captain waiting for her at the shores, just as Galadriel stated. He greeted her formally, and gestured for her to mount the extra horse he had provided.

        As she rode out, Tauriel wondered if Thranduil had discovered her absence. And if he did, she wondered what his reaction would be. She hoped that above all else, he would understand.

        But then she remembered what his reaction was the last time she left, and she hoped that it would be different. Especially because Maein knew that she was leaving this time.

        As she gained more distance from her home, her worry grew, but her determination held high. She just hoped their love would conquer distance. Maybe if she believed it enough, it would.


	5. Yearning for Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry I didn't have this chapter up by the end of last week for some reason it got really hard to write. I considered so many things in terms of plot but in the end this is what I came up with so I hope you like it! Oh and one other thing I suppose I should mention is that this chapter contains sort of a Maein POV with important information, so I cut out a Tauriel POV to do that but don't worry! There won't be another weird change like this and everything will be back to normal in the next chapter. So with that said, I hope you like this chapter :3 please let me know what you think!

Thranduil learned from Feren that the orcs were growing in number once again at Dol Guldur. This worried him greatly, since his own numbers were somewhat small as of late, and they were about to be smaller too.

        Merenor provided him with the names of soldiers that were talking about killing Tauriel out in the woods, and Thranduil immediately had them report to him.

        “May I ask why all of you were plotting on killing your captain? She, who is one of your own kin?” He was in no generous mood at the moment, and he hoped his stare was enough to make one of them come up with a hasty explanation to save their skin.

        After a moment of silence, one of them stepped forward. “We had been paid richly by Lady Rainil to do it. She found out what she did, and at the time convinced us all that we could do your job and just kill her off. But now I see what a fool I was to turn against her so easily.”

        Thranduil sneered silently at that response. “There are orcs outside of our borders! They are now growing in number, and you’re worried about Tauriel betraying me again? It is as I said, we made an agreement, and if I have no cause to worry, none of you should either. What she has done is in the past.”

        “Why are you defending someone who pointed an arrow at you?” Another one asked.

        They all looked slightly suspicious at that, but Thranduil was not fazed. He simply straightened himself out, and sighed. “We were both aware of just how many elven lives were lost afterward, and I told her she could come back. She has done a lot for me, and is far too valuable to this kingdom to not be allowed in it.”

        The look of shock on their faces spoke wonders. Then Thranduil realized that now was the opportunity to be fair.

        “I understand that you have been misguided by someone, and I have decided to let you all keep your positions, as long as I know I have your trust and Tauriel does as well.”

        Their faces certainly lightened at that, and they all bowed to make the promise to him.

        As they were walking out though, Lord Heriedir walked in. Thranduil was beginning to curse the world around him for having so many problems that he had to deal with. He just wanted to be at peace.

        “My lord, I have something very shocking to report to you.” He said a bit gravely, and Thranduil nodded for him to continue.

        “Lady Rainil was found unconscious near the dining hall, and it looks like whoever hit her was strong enough that she might be in the sleep state for over a day.”

        Thranduil gasped. He had a good guess on who did it, but he needed to make sure. He quickly stood up and descended from his throne, his face was filled with worry.

        “We will get to the bottom of this then.”

        “I think you and I both know who it was.” The lord said bluntly.

        “I am going to find her now myself and inquire the matter.” He was going to thank Tauriel for doing that, and tell her he is going to finally admit his feelings, because he is ready.

        “What are you going to do if it turns out that she was indeed the one who did render her?”

        At that question he came up with a good idea, and also a good setup for the thing he was about to announce. “Gather the other council members, I will be back shortly with news.” With that, he left.

He went to Maein’s quarters first, but the only one there was Maein, and she sighed as soon as she saw him enter.

        “Where is she?” He demanded.

        Maein winced, and it meant that none of what she was going to say would please him. He knew that what he feared was becoming more and more real. The panic of it showed on his face.

        She took a deep breath. “My lord, I urge you strongly not to be mad at Tauriel, but she told me she had to leave in order to keep the kingdom from falling apart.”

        His eyes went wide. He thought she was going to explain to him why her mother had been punched but it seems she didn’t know. Instead he tells her Tauriel is gone. He clenched his fists, and he tried his best not to be mad at the poor pregnant elf.

        “How in the world is that even possible? Did you know she knocked your mother unconscious? I assume now that she left just after that, right?”

        Maein’s eyes grew wide, but she seemed somewhat relieved at the news of her mother. Such a strange thing; seeing a child that isn’t very fond of her mother.

        “I think you are right. She also wanted me to tell you not to mention a word of your feelings until she has tried to contact you. She did not tell me how she plans to do it, but that is what is happening.”

        Thranduil sighed, and he was starting to accept the fact that the road he was on was about to be longer, and he had to once again live with the knowledge that she is absent.

        “Very well, I will follow her order. Do you know where she might possibly be?”

        Maein winced, and it didn’t seem like she knew, and she was scared to say. Thranduil put a hand up to reassure her. “If you do not know it’s alright… But, I am curious about why you don’t seem worried about the fact that Lady Rainil is hurt.”

        “She’s not my real mother.” She admitted. “I was found at a very young age and taken to her. I do not remember my real parents, or where I was originally from, but I wish I did.”

        Thranduil was shocked now, and he understood so much more. He sat down and put his hand on his head.

        “Well then, these next few days are going to be interesting indeed.”

        But Thranduil has already made up his mind about what he was going to do, and it became extremely risky. With the council meeting being tomorrow and what he was about to do happening, he departed from Maein to rest. Before he left entirely though, he heard Maein say something that Tauriel told her.

        “Before she left, she told me to tell you that her last words to you are true. I also believe that no matter what happens she will come back to you, because she loves you.”

        “This time, I am going to believe what you say. It has proven true the last time, and Tauriel is not one for too much change in her personality. Thank you for telling me that.” With that he walked out at last.

        While going back to the throne room, his nerves were getting high, but he refused to let it show. It was so strange how everything he had done when it came to Tauriel made him feel so young again. His cold emotion was slowly breaking and she was the one who managed to do it. At this point he didn’t think it was a bad thing anymore.

        Despite the fact she was gone, Thranduil told himself not to be angry. Whatever reason that compelled her to leave, will be enough for him. As long as she comes back, he will be fine.

        But until then, he’ll be going through his days on a thin line, hoping it won’t break.      

* * *

 

        Tauriel reached Lothlorien safely, where she was given the guest quarters of a royal, and treated to the finest of things. It had been days since she had been able to relax, and she found herself doing so easily.

        Lothlorien was exactly as Thranduil had described it to her. Everything looked so divine and calming, she found it easy to settle in. Even the clothes she was given after she arrived were really comfortable and suiting. She knew that she was going to stand out within the elves with her fiery red hair, so she decided it would be best to stay by herself. She liked that best anyway.

        But in the back of her mind she knew this was a false peace. Still, she couldn’t be bothered to care.

        She imagined a lonely Thranduil as she got in her bed though, and she found herself missing him immensely. The luxuries she had been receiving were nice but, she just couldn’t enjoy anything fully.

        She had also not really spoken to Galadriel within the time she had been there either, so she was really curious as to why that is.

        On evening the next day, she finally found out through one of the guard captains she met while loitering the training grounds for their soldiers. His name was Helchon, and he had been kind enough to let her mess around there if she wished. They even sparred and it was quite fun. He fought differently from the Mirkwood elves, and it was quite refreshing.

        “Lady Galadriel has been under a long rest since she came back from Dol Guldur, she hardly roams the kingdom anymore because of her waning strength.”

        Tauriel was surprised to hear it, but it made the most sense as to why she was able to contact her while she was weak.

        “How long will she be like this?” She asked finally after some thought on the news.

        “She should be up again soon, and I am sure by that time she will have an answer as to when you can go home.” He smiled at the end, and Tauriel faintly thought of Legolas. She wondered where he was, and if what he last said to her would be true about them meeting again.

        “Would you like to join my patrol tomorrow? One of our own was injured and it would be nice to have some help. Many know of you in this kingdom.” Tauriel was surprised to hear this.

        “How is that so?” She asked with her mouth hanging open after she finished her sentence.

        “An elf named Legolas stopped here on one of his journeys. We already knew he was the son of King Thranduil, so we gave him the utmost welcome. I myself exchanged personal war stories with him, and he told me his, including the recent one, where he followed you as you ran after a pack of dwarves.” Helchon had a warming smile on his face as he spoke, and Tauriel’s heart was tight at the talk of her friend and how he spoke of her.

        “Do you know where he is now?”

        “I’m afraid I don’t. He didn’t really say where he was going, but it seemed he was going to a lot of places.”

        After a while of thinking, Tauriel remembered that he had asked her if she wanted to help with their patrol. And so she thought of that as well, and then she agreed. It would help her get her mind off things, and she was in comfort knowing that none of the elves would try to end her life.

        The next morning as they went into the forest, Tauriel realized that the area was much cleaner and more open. She felt like she was young and breathing in the Greenwood that used to be her home once before dark forces took it. It was much easier to move around in she discovered as well. Everything was refreshing.

        That patrol had nothing particularly interesting, but it was nice to see the way these elves handled and protected their kingdom.

        As everyone was putting their things away Helchon called his elves to attention, and she listened to him as he spoke their daily debrief and made some mental notes.

        She still missed her home, and Thranduil. At the end of the day until she was allowed to return it would always be this.

        Then finally another elf came in, and as soon as he laid eyes upon Tauriel, he went up to her and bowed. That was never going to feel normal to her.

        “Lady Galadriel has awakened, and she would like to see you.”

        That news came when she least expected it, but she was happy about it. She nodded her head and followed the elf with a small pounding in her heart.

        It became evident then just how homesick she was.

* * *

 

        Thranduil reached his throne room, where all five elves were waiting for him with curious faces. He took a deep breath and walked all the way up to his throne where he felt safe.

        “So what’s this about?” Lady Aderthadis asked.

        “I am going to tell you all something that may shock you… I have been keeping it hidden for quite some time, and I have decided that it wouldn’t be best to keep it hidden any longer. While I cannot tell the whole kingdom about this event yet, I know I can tell you since I do trust you all.”

        They all looked really confused, he thought he must have worded it strangely, but it was too late to turn back now. He took a deep breath and continued.

        “The first thing I am going to address is that I will not be reprimanding Tauriel in her act, because I know it was justified.”

        That certainly brought a look of questioning among all of the elves in the room, but they nodded. He wasn’t expecting it to be this easy, he wanted to laugh.

        “Second, when Lady Rainil wakes up, I want her to report to me, because I am going to tell her as well, what I am about to tell you now.”

        He took another deep breath, and his calm cool demeanor completely broke, and he lightly chuckled. The king could not bring himself to look up for a few moments, because he imagines that he looks completely ridiculous.

        But he finally did look up, and straight at the faces of the council. He recollected himself and finally said what had been so hard to say to anyone.

        “I have fallen in love with my captain of the guard, Tauriel. Do not ask me why I have, or about my wife, because I do not have answers for anything yet. I just hope you will all find it in yourselves to understand.”

        And slowly they did. Their faces were shocked as he said each of the words, but eventually they brightened. The relief he felt inside was amazing.

        “I will always follow you no matter what strange things happen my lord.” Lord Heriedir chimed in first. Then the rest followed saying words in the same manner. Thranduil was finding his breath again, and he wished Tauriel was here with him to witness this.

        “Thank you all. This means a great deal to me” He sighed again to let the last of his nerves fall away.

        Lady Feriadis gave him a big smile. “It’s nice to see so much emotion on your face, and if the people see it, then this kingdom will be much more peaceful, even with the darkness that lies outside it.”

        At her last words, he remembered that there were going to be more orcs coming, and he was going to prepare them all for the defense of their home. Maybe that was why Tauriel left and told him not to say a word of their relationship. He remembered Maein’s words, and suddenly he understood.

        The council disembarked shortly after they decided Lady Rainil’s fate, and Thranduil felt good about things now. It was just a matter of getting through the days. He yearned for happiness, and in a few short days, it will come to him.

        He was a patient king, after all.

* * *

 

        _Maein had fallen asleep, but she found herself in immense pain. Half of it was from the baby she was holding, and the other half of it was from loneliness. With Tauriel gone for a day, she didn’t realize how lonely it was until she didn’t see her, or anyone, for hours._

_Through her sleep she was looking around her room, and at her own body in its comatose state. She had a face of extreme worry, and hoped she wasn’t about to die._

_But luck was on her side, as an elf with golden hair appeared in the room with her. Maein knew not who she was, but found it comforting to see her._

_“I know who you are Maein, and where you are from. Would you like to know?” Her voice was gentle and soothing. Maein felt her soul being warmed up. She nodded eagerly._

_“You were from the same village that Tauriel was from, and the soldier who carried you stumbled upon Lady Rainil before you could even be brought to the king. You can imagine how easy it was after that to arrange it so that she could have you.”_

_Maein gasped, everything about what she said was strange, but she was happy to know that she and Tauriel are related in a way. Though her heart broke, because it meant her whole life, everything she was taught, was a lie._

_“Why are you telling me this? What can I gain from it now?”_

_“True independence and closure from the woman you thought was your mother.”_

        On the outside of Maein’s mind, in the real world, Merenor was with Naradeth, and they were worried about her condition.

        “There is no need to be terribly alarmed yet. She is just sleeping, but I am worried about her going into labor while she is like this. It’s not good for her or the baby.”

        Merenor had a perplexed look on him, and he held his wife’s hand tightly. “I suppose we’ll just have to keep checking on her, right?”

        Naradeth gave him a nod. “I think she fell into this state because of how lonely she is. Tauriel has been gone for a day now, and Maein has nothing to do or no way to be useful.”

        “The world seems to revolve around that Tauriel doesn’t it?”

        The two chuckled at the slight joke, but they knew it was somewhat true. That’s probably why it was funny.

        “Since she’s asleep though, I have to send my assistant to watch her while I suggest my idea to the council. I am not too sure if the meeting will even happen while her mother is in the same state.”

        “It’s going to happen. The king isn’t going to waste any time. I agree with him on that. We’ve had enough drama already. This generation hasn’t recovered from the war at all, and they need to have some peace.” Merenor himself seemed done with all of the things happening lately. He was tired of all the secrets, and all of the energy he’s used just on trying to protect his guard captain. He wants it to end.

        Naradeth gave him a look of agreement. “I feel we may have our wish answered soon.”

        They talked a little while longer about the upcoming festival, and then she left, leaving Merenor to rub Maein’s stomach.

        “Hang in there. You both are going to be okay.”

        _Maein saw him do this in her state, and tears fell down her eyes. She hoped dearly that he was right._

* * *

 

        Thranduil felt very confident the next morning as he waited in a small study that was meant specifically for private meetings. He and Feren waited together for Lady Rainil, and finally she arrived. She had a faint bruise on her forehead, which Thranduil had to hold back a smile for when he saw it.

        But his face got serious, and he gestured for her to sit. She was about to open her mouth, but he held up his hand.

        “You are not allowed to speak right now; except to confirm that it was indeed Tauriel who has injured you.”

        She nodded slowly.

        “Lady Rainil, for months you have harassed her to no end and it is going to stop. Now.” He kept a straight face while he spoke. Hers was one of smug curiosity, and he knew it would end when he said his next words.

        “Now imagine how I feel, when I hear her tell me, that you have chastised her, and even plotted to have her life ended by your doing.”

        “Why should you care? She pointed an arr-“

        “I am well aware of what she has done! That situation has been dealt with. Now I am dealing with you, because your acts of defiance were not of compassion but of pure malice, in a much different manner.” His voice was low, but her expression still hasn’t been broken.

        “Lady Rainil, you are hereby stripped of all your titles. You will no longer serve me as a council or as anything. You are lucky I have been generous enough to relocate you with protection, but that is all you will receive from me.”

        Her mouth dropped finally. And she stammered as she said her next words. “But she’s a lowly silvan elf!”

        “She is my lover. And you have caused her to run off, and me a great deal of pain.”

        At hearing that she laughed. “You are mad. How could you love her? She is not capable of doing anything. She has only brought this kingdom trouble since the day she was brought here.”

        He stood up and towered over her. It took that to finally frighten her. To make a bigger deal of what she just said, he leaned down to her.

        “She has brought this kingdom light. And no one, especially you, can tell me otherwise.”

        He backed away and his cold neutral mask took over his face as he strode past her. “Feren, please see to it that Lady Rainil is escorted out.” Those were his last words before completely leaving the room. He took a few steps away from it and sighed.

        One of his biggest problems has finally been dealt with, and he started walking again with more certainty that things will be alright. He had to keep believing it, or else he would lose his sanity.

        The kingdom needs their wise and cold king one last time, before he shows his true side to them. He hoped dearly that Tauriel would be by his side as he did that.

        All of him knew that she was going to be.

        He just needed to get by without her, for now.

        _“We’ll see each other again, I swear.”_


	6. The Light of the Moon and Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooo sorry that this chapter is late. I got a bit lazy and then I got busy, and in between that I may have fallen into a slight writer's block. But here it is! I haven't forgotten about this story I promise haha. The updates are just going to be a bit scattered depending on how I feel. But please let me know what you think of this chapter in the meantime, enjoy!

        Tauriel followed the guard through a vast amount of the kingdom, and she tried to distract her unease by taking in every little detail that was around her. She wanted to remember it in case she never got the chance to see it again.

        After what seemed like forever they reached a staircase that went down into the back of the forest. It had an assortment of plants and trees. It was highly secluded, and probably for a reason. Tauriel’s heart jumped when she laid her eyes upon it. She remembered the air of the Greenwood before, and this reminded her of it.

        “The Lady waits down there for you.” The guard said. Afterward he bowed and left abruptly.

        Tauriel tentatively walked down the stairs, noticing how much she was shaking. She didn’t know why she was so nervous, and she figured the cause might be the fear of no solution. She took in the fresh, beautiful air and tried to calm down.

        But the look on Lady Galadriel’s wise face as she appeared was one of hope. She stood gracefully in a moonlit area of the forest. In front of her was the mirror which she had heard so much about. She found herself very afraid to look.

        “I know your worry, but it’s alright.” She breathed down into the mirror, and Tauriel saw something in it.

        “May I see?” She approached the lady and bowed gracefully.

        She looked up to see a nod, followed with a smile. The feeling it gave her was so warm she couldn’t help but smile back.

        Tauriel wasted no time after that; she stood, and approached the mirror. What Tauriel saw brought her a great deal of relief and tears.

        _She is standing in front of a mirror in a grand room. Her dress is white and exceptionally ornate. She looks content, but at the same time uncertain._

_Then Maein appears, and her stomach is not rounding from the creation of a little elf, like she last saw her. She looks fit and strong. It suits her well. Then she sees the small child that belongs to Maein no doubt. It is a little girl with brown hair and hazel eyes. She looks to be dressed for an event as well._

_“Looks like you got to prepare me for my big day as well.” Tauriel heard herself say as Maein was working through her long fiery hair._

_“My life is mostly complete now. This is a day I am never going to forget…” Maein says happily as the scene fades._

        Once it is quiet, Tauriel finds herself on the ground shuddering in tears. Her relief overwhelmed her. She wanted to say a lot of things but she couldn’t. Her sobs were all that filled the air for a long time.

        Galadriel finally knelt down to her and with one touch on her shoulder, Tauriel was calming down. She looked up with a few tears still in her eyes.

        “I am so glad that this is a possibility now.” She said, wiping a tear from her eye.

        “I know you can make it happen. With that, I have good news for you.” She kept her face neutral, but Tauriel saw the gleam in her eyes that told her it was going to be exactly what she wanted. She stayed quiet so she could continue.

        “You can return to Mirkwood. But I advise you rest up tonight and leave early tomorrow. There will be orcs that you will have to fight before you can relax.”

        Tauriel happily nodded and bowed. Then without thinking, she hugged the Lady very gently. It may have been not so much allowed, but nothing stopped Tauriel before. Galadriel hugged her back nonetheless.

        Going back to her room, she found that things were definitely going to work out.

        “I’m coming home Thranduil. Please be patient just a little longer…” She whispered as she peered out on the balcony in her temporary room. She needed sometime before she slept to calm down her nerves. The night sky was mostly covered in clouds, so she couldn’t see any of the stars, or a clear view of the moon. It made her kind of sad, because she hadn’t seen them in a long time.

        But she couldn’t wait outside long enough for them to appear; she had to seriously get sleep so her head would be clear for the journey home. So she climbed into her soft bed, and sleep overcame her. The best thing about it was that she did not dream, and she preferred that much more than the nightmares that used to plague her.

        Perhaps the knowledge of things going right for once in her life was enough to keep them out for good.

* * *

 

        Thranduil woke up sadly the next morning, because he still did not know where Tauriel was, or when she was coming back. His patience was actually growing thin for the first time in his life.

        _“Fear not Lord Thranduil, you will get happiness soon.”_

        That voice was Lady Galadriel actually reaching out to him. The fact that she was getting in his head, meant something. It had to do with Tauriel, it had to.

        But he had no time to ponder on it, as he had many things to do that day. The first and most important thing was the council session that everyone was anticipating. He had considered both sides of the women fighting rule, and he finally made his decision, so that issue was finally going to be resolved after months of consideration. Then there was the worry of orcs, and lastly, who was going to replace Lady Rainil in the council. It couldn’t be anyone, and he had made the decision, it was just a matter of executing it. All of that was happening today.

        He was thankful about his duties. They kept him away from being too lonely.

        He dressed a bit more extravagantly than usual, and put on his spring crown of flowers. It was all just a show of his position, and what he could do. He faintly wished Tauriel were there to see him do this, but he had to quickly shake the thought, as he put on his cold mask for his people.

        The first part of the council session was not open to the public, and here he and his members talked about what has happened since the last session, and what they hope to address in the current one.

        The most painful thing they mentioned was the battle, and how many they lost. Thranduil cared about that a lot, and it hit him too just then what he might have been ignoring for a while. But this was his chance to address and fix the problem about losing so many.

        That came when the session was now open to the public, and people made various suggestions that were all very intriguing, but were put under consideration.

        Then an elf with amber hair and green eyes stood before the council. Thranduil faintly thought of Tauriel as he looked at her, but he knew this woman was not her. Her face was too gentle, but her eyes held a strange determination.

        She bowed before them all. “Hello, my name is Naradeth, and I am one of the main healers of the kingdom. I have come to deliver a big proposition for this kingdom. Everyone knows what it is, but I am going to say it anyway; would this council, and king, consider allowing female elves to fight and defend our home alongside the men?”

        There it was. All the council members looked at Thranduil, who was a bit confused. He thought that Maein was going to give this proposition. And then he felt something pang in his heart.

        “Before I answer your proposition, may I inquire the whereabouts of Maein?” His face showed no emotion, even though inside he was worried.

        “She has fallen into a state of sleep my lord; I have done my best to keep her at bay. Her condition started yesterday and has kept up today. Nothing is better or worse, but I fear for the baby.”

        Thranduil’s face dropped for a second. He didn’t want this to be happening, and he told himself to go see her. But for now, he nodded.

        “Your proposition has been considered, and the majority has voted in favor of it, including myself.”

        His heart jumped around when he saw the happiness in her eyes. While there were some really intense stares around the rest of the room, hers was one of joy. Eventually, some of the stares went into accepting nods, and maybe for once, the Mirkwood elves were all on the same page. Thranduil could only hope.

        “Thank you so much for voting in favor. The women, including myself, are all willing to work hard for what we earned, and surely there will be a difference.”

        Thranduil remembered the name Naradeth now. Merenor had told him that she was the one who saved Tauriel. He made a note to thank her personally later.

        With that, the council session ended. But the members were all looking at him in an expectant way. It took him a while to realize why, so he just decided to state it simply.

        “I have given a fair amount of thought as to who would replace Lady Rainil, and I decided it would go to Maein. But with her current state I am not sure who will take it if she does not survive.”

        He leaves the council shortly after that, and goes straight to her quarters. There he sees her resting; she looks peaceful, with her white nightgown smoothly fitted on her, and her golden hair falling to her right in an elven braid. He feels bittersweet.

        Thranduil takes a seat on the chair next to her bed, and he lightly touches her hand. With that he can sense why this happened. It was due to loneliness, and he shook his head at that.

        “Why is it you and I are so tied to her? That when she is gone, our lives are rendered because it is without her fiery light.”

        He stays with her until Merenor comes back, and his face is one of big concern. He quickly stands and gets serious, knowing what this means. He just waits for Merenor to say it.

        “There are orcs on the other side of the forest my lord, it looks as if they are going to attack us. We did not engage with them, our party was too small for that.”

        Thranduil quickly strode past him and gestured for him to follow. They went to Feren’s office, and Merenor told him the news. Immediately following that was full preparation for defense. Thranduil excused himself to get ready too, but he was not planning on engaging with the orcs until it was absolutely necessary.

With more fighting at their doorstep, Thranduil desperately wanted Tauriel there with him. For now though, their memories together are enough to keep his momentum, especially through a tough time such as this.

* * *

 

        Tauriel got up early the next morning, and she was treated to a very big meal with the Lord and Lady. All throughout her mind was preparing itself for the journey home and fighting. She knows she can be a good fighter now. There are fewer emotions in the way than any of the other times she’s had to fight since Laketown.

        As she is preparing to leave with a horse, she sees two men from Mirkwood, along with a familiar face that she does not want to deal with.

        That would be Lady Rainil.

        Her face goes from shock to pure anger as she quickly jumps off the horse to approach Tauriel. Before she could say anything though, Tauriel quickly pulls out a bow and aims it at her.

        “I am absolutely done with you. I don’t care if it’s any sort of apology, I will never forgive you for the things you’ve done. You are rotten to the core, and yet I still want you to have peace. Knowing that you are here now, makes me that much happier to return home. So give it up. You have lost. There’s nothing to gain from hateful words anymore.”

        To her surprise, Lady Rainil nods, and then walks away. She looked truly defeated. She faintly wondered about what happened to have her be here. But soon the two guards filled her in. She did feel a bit sorry for that woman, but she didn’t have room to ponder on it anymore.

        With the two guards at her side, she finally started to make the journey back home after a heartfelt goodbye from Galadriel.

        They rode on horseback until they got to the entrance of the woods. It was there that Tauriel set her horse back to its rightful place. She took a deep breath, and listened to the action miles in front of her. The fighting was definitely in motion, and she had a good feeling that the elves were handling themselves well.

        The drawing of a bow made her snap into action and quickly pull out her own new one and turn around. The face she saw brought hers to shock.

        Legolas was smiling as he put his bow away. As Tauriel ran up to him he hopped off his horse and gave her a big hug. She was crying again, but it didn’t distract her from what she had to do.

        “Why are you back so soon?” She asked after they drew apart.

        “I have seen what is in this world, and it is nothing but death and depression. It made me want to come home. Now may I ask why I find you here instead of with the army defending our home?”

        “I had to leave… It’s a long story.” She summed it up for him as they walked through the forest, preparing to jump into battle.

        The orcs were nearby at last, and Tauriel was ready. She didn’t want to be seen just yet, so she jumped off the horse and climbed a tree swiftly.

        “I am going to remain hidden for now. Do not tell your father that you have seen me until tonight.” She said as she did all of that. Legolas nodded. “Be careful.” He added afterward.

        She didn’t need to be, she was in a very good spot to start shooting orcs down from above the trees. She was careful to avoid being seen by both elves and orcs though. If they knew she was there, it would give her element of surprise away.

        Soon she ran out of arrows though, and she had no choice but to jump down and start slaying the foul creatures left and right.

        Mid-battle, she ran into Merenor, and they both fell away from the action to converse.

        “Where have you been?” He asked. His face was filled with both relief and concern. She understood why.

        “I had to leave for a while.”

        “Maein has fallen ill.”

        At this Tauriel’s heart was filled with worry, and she wanted to cry. But instead of doing that, she knew she had to be useful. The vision came to her mind, and in order to keep it, she needed her head clear of emotion.

        “I will go find her. Do not tell Thranduil I am back. I want to surprise him.”

        She left him, and stealthily made her way back to the kingdom, and entered through the tree she had escaped out of so many times. She immediately went to Maein’s quarters, where she saw Thranduil retreating to go somewhere. He had his usual cold mask on, and the sight was slightly frightening to Tauriel. She hoped it was just a mask, and not how he truly felt.

        She hid until he was completely out of sight. He had a knack for sensing her presence with just the slightest of foot taps, and she didn’t want to risk being seen now.

        When he was gone, she slipped into Maein’s room, where Naradeth was treating and looking after her. The moment she approached them, Maein actually moved.

        “It seems the world does revolve around you Tauriel.” Naradeth joked. Tauriel couldn’t bring herself to laugh though. Maein was in danger, and she wanted to be the one who saved her.

        She took her hands, and began chanting with enthusiasm. Soon Naradeth joined in, and they watched as warmth returned to Maein; her slowing breath went normal, and her paleness faded into color. This progress relieved Tauriel immensely.

        Finally, Maein opened her eyes, and she smiled at Tauriel, whose heart melted at the sight.

        “Naradeth’s right you know, the world does revolve around you.”

        Tauriel started crying again, and she hugged her friend. She was still careful not to be harsh on her stomach though.

”I wish it didn’t. But I am so glad you’re alright.”

        “You just missed the king though. He left to go see Legolas who has just returned.” Naradeth added. Surprisingly Legolas turned out to be a good distraction for her to slip in unnoticed. She just smiled.

        “I am going to surprise him. Though I’m glad Legolas is back. I think we both have to be here for a balance to be maintained in this kingdom.”

        After that was said, Tauriel was filled in by Naradeth on the events. She was happy to hear that Thranduil accepted the proposition they had all been working for, and that was going to motion. It was also a relief to know that he wasn’t going to be angry with her when she showed up randomly. She just hoped that Legolas didn’t tell him right away that she was here.

        A long time had passed, and finally Merenor returned. His reunion with Maein was touching to Tauriel. It made her remember she had to go. So she said goodbye to them, and quickly made her way to Thranduil’s chambers. Her necklace still had the charm on it so it was easy to get there unseen.

        Once there, she thought of all the things she did in her years of living in Mirkwood. The memories ranged from running around the room with Legolas as children, to sharing a bed with the king every night. In between that, she grew from a child to a woman. Throughout all of the memories though, she preferred the recent ones she shared with him, because they were the ones that mattered most and dearly to her.

        The fighting and return home had surprisingly exhausted her, so she changed out of her guard clothes into one of the gowns Galadriel gifted her. Then she spread her body across the couch of his study, and closed her eyes. She didn’t expect to fall asleep, but she did. Gone were all of the worries and anxiousness. She was at peace again. It was quite enjoyable, she realized.

* * *

 

        Thranduil stayed by Maein while the fighting was going on, and she made no show of improving or getting worse. His nerves were on high.

        Naradeth soon came to join them, and he nodded to her in respect.

        “I didn’t expect to see you here my lord.” She said, bowing quickly. It felt strange to him for the first time in a long time that people bowed to him regularly. He didn’t feel like a king in that moment. It startled him immensely.

        “I want to thank you for saving Tauriel’s life the other day. Not everyone knows, but she has been my lover since the last battle.” He mentally cursed himself for realizing yet again how easy it was to confess. Not only was it that, but it felt great as well. He wanted to shout it to the world.

        Naradeth smiled, and began tending to Maein. “It’s funny, I always thought you two would be an odd pair, and here you are now, telling me that you two are indeed connected.”

        Thranduil found himself nearly smiling. But he caught himself. He couldn’t truly smile until he knew Tauriel was okay.

        Some time had passed, and another guard walked in on the small party. “My lord, Legolas has returned.”

        The king didn’t realize how abruptly he stood up until he heard the chair fall to the floor behind him. He quickly walked over to the guard. “Where is he?” He asked with wide eyes.

        “In the throne room with an orc. He’s already started to interrogate him.”

        Thranduil didn’t need to hear anymore. They both marched out together. His heart was pounding and his head felt woozy, but he managed to keep himself up.

        He reached the throne room quickly since he had long legs and was definitely using them. What he found was a slain orc, and Legolas standing above it. When he looked up, Thranduil’s eyes started to water.

        “Leave us.” He said to the guard with the last of his seriousness. And once they were alone, he ran up to his son and threw his arms around him. Legolas reciprocated his affections.

        When they pulled away to look at each other, Thranduil spoke first. “What brings you home so soon?”

        Legolas smiled. “The man you had me meet was wonderful, and I have seen the world in all of its forms. The good, the bad, and the plain. The good made me want to explore more, but the bad and plain made me realize my place is here for now. With you and Tauriel.”

        “Have you seen her?” Thranduil didn’t know if he could take her absence any longer, and he searched Legolas’ eyes to make sure he wasn’t lying for Tauriel’s sake.

        Legolas raised an eyebrow. “She left?”

        Thranduil nodded, and then summed up what happened in his absence, and then at the end mentioned how foolish he was for not doing what she wished right away. He felt truly miserable for driving her out of the kingdom.

        “She must have had a reason for leaving. I do not think that she would do it without a strong purpose.”

        “But I don’t even know if she is alive. That’s what I’m worried about the most.” His emotions were starting to get out of control and he was losing his patience. Legolas saw that.

        “Rest father. We’ve both had a long day, and if you wish tomorrow I will go and find her.”

        Thranduil reluctantly agreed. It was his only choice he thought.

        They walked together to their separate rooms and bid each other goodnight.

        He let out a big sigh once he slipped behind the door to his study, and he was just about to let his emotions drop. But he saw her.

        Tauriel was sleeping on his couch. Her dress was a lilac silk from Lothlorien. For once she looked peaceful, and he felt selfish as he ran up to her and dropped so he could shake her.

        It had been too long since they’ve been like this, and he wanted to remember, and feel her again.

* * *

 

        Tauriel felt a warm hand touch her, and she opened her eyes. Thranduil was kneeling next to her with frantic eyes. She quickly sat up and cupped his face with her hands. His eyes were red, and he looked younger than when she last saw him.

        “How long have you been waiting here?” He asked quietly, rising a little.

        “Not as long as you’ve had to wait for me.”

        In the next moment they were kissing. The feeling of his lips was better than what she remembered. It was real once again, and she didn’t want to be anywhere else.

        He rose, and took her hands so she could too.

        “I have to show you something.” He said, and then he took her hand and opened a door that she had seen but never noticed before, and inside was a dark tunnel.

        They walked through it, and for a while it was really dark, until she saw faint moonlight. Then it was full moonlight, until they were outside in an open field with nothing but trees around them. The moon and stars were in full view. Tauriel gasped.

        “My wife used to love coming here on nights like this. Even when the world seemed like it was falling.” He said sincerely.

        Tauriel looked at the sky for a long while, and then finally at him. She couldn’t believe it. He was there next to her. She was home.

        Thranduil turned to her, and took her other hand. The light of the moon and stars shone in his eyes, and she didn’t need to look at the sky anymore for memories. They were right in front of her.

        “I saw her. She helped me back to my body… She explained why we love each other…” Tauriel said slowly.

        “I don’t need to know why I love you. I need you to know it, and feel the same for me.” He kissed her nose, and she was on fire.

        It didn’t stop there; soon all sense was lost, as he kissed her lips again. She responded hungrily, and threw her arms around him.

        They found themselves falling on the soft ground. Tauriel was taking off his armor as he kissed her neck feverishly. Soon he was just shirtless and her dress was bunched up at the bottom due to him running his hands all over her legs to create friction.

        “Now my dear Tauriel,” he started, his hips slowly moving back and forth while he spread her legs. “You shall experience me out in the open air, where I can make you sing for me as loud as you want.” He was grinning, and it made her heart flutter.

        “Don’t hold back. I’ve missed you, and this. Remind me what it feels like.”


	7. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo here is the next, and final chapter of this story. I wanted to do so much more with it, but I got extremely busy and less motivated to write it that I forgot what I had in mind. So with that said, I don't really have any other fanfics planned now, because it is long past time that I started working on my original stories again. I want to thank each and every one of you who has followed along with this story, and to those who reviewed as well. Every email I received in regards to my story made me extremely happy, and I will never forget it. So without further ado, here is my last chapter. Please let me know what you think, and as always, I hope you enjoy it!

Thranduil and Tauriel spent the majority of the night making love, and the feeling of it was purely amazing. He felt that each time they joined, a little more of his emotion had come out when they released. She was reawakening him in ways he couldn’t have imagined.

         He woke up to her sleeping peaceful face. Somewhere through the night it got too cold to be outside while so exposed, so they grabbed their clothes and ran back inside. She was back in her Lothlorien dress looking radiant. He didn’t know if she was actually glowing or if it was just the sunlight pouring through the room.

         Tauriel opened her eyes finally, and when she saw him she smiled sleepily. They didn’t have to say anything, their morning greeting was said with their lips, immediately pressed together. Thranduil was fluttering inside, and he embraced the feeling.

         After a long while of silence, and kissing, Tauriel sat up. She sighed deeply, and turned her head down.

         Thranduil joined her; putting his arm around her stomach and pulling her to him. “You’re not leaving.” He said with a smile on his face. “I don’t care who comes in.”

         Tauriel looked at him and just smiled, then she poked his nose. “I don’t think you remember the aftermath of our little skirmish yesterday, there is much to do.”

         As much he hated to admit it, she was right.

         “You should go see Maein. She has been unconscious since the day after you left.” He thought of her peaceful body, and he hoped that she would wake up soon.

         “I ran into Merenor during the skirmish, he told me of her state. I went there and healed her out of it, and then I came here when she reunited with her husband.” Tauriel’s head was nuzzled into Thranduil’s body as she spoke. “She and Naradeth filled me in on what happened while I was gone. I’m a bit sad to have missed all the excitement.”

         “It would have been much easier with you here. But it matters not anymore. I trust you’re not going to leave again right?” He looked down at her with worry. For a fleeting moment he wasn’t sure.

         But his unease faded when she stood and positioned herself in front of him. She gave him another kiss; one that was full and inviting. To his dismay though, she pulled away.

         “I can’t, and won’t leave you again, ever. I swear this on my life and my loyalty to you as your lover and equal.”

         He was satisfied with that answer, and he smiled genuinely.

         Then suddenly he made it so she was lying on her back and he was on top of her. He felt hard again and he could see the lust for him as he looked at her eyes. Her hair spread out all around her like a flickering fire.

         “Before we face this day, I want to have you one more time.”

         Her response was to kiss him again. She learned how to use her mouth well on him. He moaned as she bit his bottom lip, and dragged it out before releasing it.

         “You are slow this morning my king.” She smiled coyly, which only made him want more.

         Down went the top half of her dress once more, and down went his head to reconquer the places that had been untouched in the time they were sleeping. He would never get enough of it.

         As he was doing this, she wriggled out of the dress once more completely, and she began pulling his nightshirt off him.

         Then a brilliant idea occurred to him, and he acted quickly.

         Thranduil stood up and took Tauriel with him. Together they fell into his bathing pool. The warm water brought on more tension in him and he needed to be relieved. He wanted to make Tauriel comfortable first.

         As their wet lips met, he reached under and entered her with a few fingers. It pleased him to hear her response. Everything about the moment thrilled him. He felt as if he was truly alive and renewed. It would do him well in the upcoming dark times. He knew that as long as Tauriel was with him, he would survive.

         She brought him out of his thoughts by taking his fingers out, and taking hold of the inevitable and pulling it towards her. Her green eyes met his in complete sincereity.

         “I’m ready for you, don’t make me wait.”

         He pushed in just after she said that, and the end of her last word was a sharp gasp.

         After they were done, Tauriel put on another dress, and braided her hair to one side. It was new and refreshing to see her like that.

         “I shall see you tonight then?” Thranduil asked.

         “I promise.”

         They left the room together hand in hand, and only let go when it was time to separate.

* * *

 

         Tauriel went straight to Maein’s quarters to find that she was sleeping once more, and Merenor was out. She began to do what she usually did to help her friend.

         “Well now I’m sure that yesterday wasn’t a dream, and you’re really back.” She heard Maein say after a while.

         Tauriel smiled at her friend and finished up the last task, then sat down next to her holding a bowl of soup. “I’m not leaving ever again. I have seen what I need to see of the world to know that this is where I belong.”

         “How was your reunion with the king?”

         Tauriel didn’t answer, she just smiled, and that was the confirmation her friend needed.

         “I saw Thranduil’s wife while you were away and I was unconscious.” Maein said after some silence. This perked up Tauriel, and she was interested to know why Maein saw her as well.

         “She told me something very interesting. Are you ready to hear it?”

         “I would love to.” Tauriel leaned closer in interest.

         “She told me that I was not from Lady Rainil and in fact, from the same village as you. One of the guards was about to present me to the king just as you were, but my “mother” snatched me up and took me as hers. No one questioned it.”

         After hearing that they were from the same village, Tauriel hugged her tightly, and was near tears. It was a big discovery and delight.

         “I might as well call you sister. It seems as if everything that happened was meant to be.”

         They then recalled their childhood memories and how their pasts seemed to be similar. It was relieving to Tauriel that she was doing this. She felt a small joy of doing something like this. Of course it wasn’t a heated moment with Thranduil, but a touching one with her new sister.

         Naradeth appeared a short while afterward, and seeing Tauriel her face was filled with happiness. She bowed respectfully. It still made Tauriel feel weary.

         “So I take it now that the law has been made, you will start teaching us how to fight?” She asked after they all greeted each other.

         “It won’t be just that.” Said Merenor from behind.

         His appearance startled everyone, but they soon relaxed. Maein let out a loving smile.

         “Tauriel, we owe you a lot. Maein and I both.” He started.

         “I am only repaying you both back for saving my life more than once. So we are even. Now it may be dark out there in the world, but we shouldn’t stop enjoying ourselves, right?” Tauriel was just about ready for another elven party. She wanted to partake in it wholly.

         “Thank you Tauriel.” Merenor said while nodding. The two shared an affectionate hug and breathed in very deeply to keep from crying.

         “Now before I forget, Feren wants to see you in his office. He said anytime but, I think you should go now.”

         Tauriel nodded. She went to give Maein and Naradeth a hug before departing. All the while she wondered what it could be about. The fact that he was summoning her most likely means that the kingdom knows she is back. All the elves she walked past didn’t pay any attention to her, and she was glad to not be the center of attention anymore.

         She reached Feren’s office, and she found it mostly emptied out. A hunch formed in her mind, and before she had time to ponder it, Feren stepped out.

         “Welcome back, Captain Tauriel.” He said, smiling nostalgically.

         Tauriel bowed her head. “You wanted to see me?”

         “Yes. I wanted to say that I am glad you are back. The kingdom should fall back into place again with your presence.”

         Tauriel looked around at the now seemingly larger office. Her heart slightly sank, but she still kept a smile. “It’s good to be back.”

         Feren noticed her observation of the office and he shifted in his stance slightly. “It looks very different doesn’t it?” He said with a small smile.

         “Captain… Are you leaving?”

         He nodded. “I am. I’m afraid I have been at this for far too long. It is time I got my well-needed rest. I’m going to miss the fun I had at this post, I made so many memories and trained some of the best warriors in the woodland realm. Some of which are you, Legolas, and Maein once she was allowed. I even gave King Thranduil a few tips myself.”

         Tauriel smiled at the memory of him teaching her. She bowed her head again.

         “So, with my absence, I have named you my successor. You would be perfect for this job. And I know that you love going out into the woods to see what is out there, but you will be best here, especially with all of the female recruits you will have to teach.”

         Tauriel let a few tears escape her eye at the news. She was happy, yet sad too. Things were changing right before her eyes. This office would now be hers, with barely anything to put in it. She was still grateful nonetheless. It became evident now that she just hugged anyone regardless of the situation, so she had that in mind when she hugged Feren. To her content, he hugged back.

         “Be the best Lady Captain that you can be, Tauriel.” Feren told her.

         “I will.”

* * *

 

         Thranduil went to see Legolas first, and they had breakfast together.

         “So, Tauriel was here after all. That woman really knows how to make herself the conversation of this kingdom.” Legolas joked with a smile.

         Thranduil put a few berries into his mouth, and stayed a bit quiet. Despite the situation, Thranduil was still on edge about their previous relationship. But seeing his son here now, talking to him ordinarily, warmed his heart. He cared deeply for Legolas, but he didn’t know how to heal his broken affection for his son. It came out easily the night before, but now it was back to him holding back.

         “They will have much more to talk about than her, until tonight.” Thranduil said at last.

         Legolas saw his father’s discomfort, and put a hand on his. “I have forgiven you father. Let us be close again. Don’t tell me I’ve come home only to have you be the same again.”

         Thranduil looked up and smiled at his son. “It’s still going to be hard. We have years of indifference behind us.”

         “But we have many more in which we have been loving and affectionate. You have already gotten over your indifference with Tauriel and fell in love with her. For that I am happy for you.”

         “I plan to marry her Legolas…” Thranduil said suddenly. He was hoping for some sort of shock, but Legolas just smiled.

         “Announce it tonight, in front of everyone at the feast.”

         “You have read my mind loud and clear.” He smiled to his son at last.

         “Just so you know, I am not calling her mother.” Legolas joked.

         They both laughed heartily and continued eating their breakfast in a light manner. Thranduil then just realized how easy that was too. All the pain and suffering could have been avoided long ago if only this had happened. He quickly let that thought go though.

         “So Feren has named Tauriel as his successor. I want you to help her. Especially if she struggles.”

         “Of course ada, I would never let her suffer. She deserves to be happy for a long time. Only you can truly give her that though. So I know who now to chastise if it ever comes to that.”

         Thranduil laughed. His own son, telling him that he won’t have it if his soon to be bride is unhappy. It was quite an interesting scenario indeed.’

         They finished breakfast, and overlooked the decorations in the dance hall together. Then Thranduil got an idea.

         “Son, go to the smith with the white gems, and have him fashion a new crown along with four rings.” His son left not a moment too soon after that.

         A few moments later, Tauriel arrived, and upon seeing her the king’s heart fluttered. Only she could do that to him now.

         They both approached each other, and he immediately kissed her on the cheek. That kiss proved to anyone watching that the rumors were now true, but he didn’t care. _Let them gasp._ He thought.

         “I am now the new Lady Captain.” She said to him with a small smile.

         “You will be wonderful. Tomorrow your work begins though. We have at least 1,000 elves to train, thanks to that healer Naradeth.”

         “I look forward to the challenge.”

         They looked at each other intensely, and realized that the company of other people was no place to be.

         After a hasty retreat to an abandoned room, Thranduil’s lips fell upon hers. It wasn’t a desperate kiss, like the ones they shared the night before. It was gentle and passionate. He loved hearing her breath fall short. It reminded him what effect he had on her. The sound of his own breath doing the same reminded him that she had that same effect on him.

         “I love you.” He said quietly.

         “I love you too.”

         They walked around the castle together, hand in hand, talking about an immense number of things. Occasionally they would joke around, and when they did, Thranduil laughed heartily. Onlookers would not be appalled by the sight of Thranduil with another anymore. And he didn’t care. He challenged them all.

         They made their way back to his chambers, and there they took a nap in the middle of the day. Thranduil knew he had other matters to attend, but he didn’t care about that either. Tauriel was the only thing that mattered. He was already imagining the look on her face when he would ask her to be his wife.

* * *

 

         They woke up in the evening, and Tauriel dressed in a blue Lothlorien dress. Thranduil had on his regal robes, and topped it off with his crown of flowers; one of which he had placed in Tauriel’s hair.

         They kissed for a while, and then made their way to the dance hall. It was certainly different arriving there with a king, but Tauriel held her head high as everyone bowed to him.

         “Don’t bow.” Thranduil whispered. “You are my lady, and my equal.”

         Tauriel blushed as they made their way up to the head of the room, where the royals sat. She was given the queen’s chair, which wrecked her a bit to sit in. She felt dishonoring in every way, but Thranduil comforted her out of it.

         With their presence, the festivities began. A while after they did, Maein and Merenor arrived, and Tauriel excused herself from Thranduil to greet them.

         “Looks like you made quite the scene a moment ago while entering Maein said with her cheery face.

         “It was a very different experience.”

         Just then Legolas appeared beside her, and he tapped her shoulder. Tauriel smiled when she saw him, and they hugged.

         “Dance with me. I want to see the look on my father’s face when he sees I stole your first dance this evening.” He had the most mischievous smile on his face, and Tauriel took his hand.

         They danced for a very long time, watching Thranduil until he noticed. The king let out a laugh, and right after the song ended. The floor cleared and Thranduil took Tauriel away.

         The band played a lighthearted piece suited for two people only, and Thranduil immediately began twirling Tauriel along with the beat. She was surprised at how much the song swayed him.

         “I love showing you off to this kingdom. Tauriel, I thank you for giving me this joy again.”

         Tauriel’s heart jumped around, and she watched his face closely. She realized he looked much younger again, and that he was so full of life. That cold mask, was not there. And the old Thranduil she was used to; the one that got mad so easily and objected to her every word, nearly existed no longer.

         “I thank you for giving me joy.” Tauriel said to him softly.

         The song ended, and they shared a short passionate kiss, which was met with cheering.

         “This is a nice improvement.” Thranduil said after he broke away. “It makes it easier to do this.”

         He then kneeled down, with Tauriel’s hand now in his. She gasped, realizing what he was about to do. Everyone else realized it too, and the room went silent.

         “Tauriel, would you give me the pleasure of being my wife, my equal in power and soul, for as long as we both share a bond? This strange yet wonderful bond.”

         She was in tears, and the only thing she could do was nod. There was cheering again after that gesture. He stood up quickly and pulled her to him. In the moment, everything was right for Tauriel. The darkness around them mattered not. There were no orcs or anything to barge in on them, no dwarves trespassing, and most of all no conflict within.

         Tauriel then realized she didn’t answer his question with words. In his ear she whispered, “I am yours. Always.”

* * *

 

Afterword

         A few days after their proposal, Thranduil presented Tauriel with a new crown and three rings made with the gems. The rings were silver, and the one meant for the middle had white gems circling it, while the two surrounding that one only had one that was visible atop her hand.

         Maein gave birth to a baby girl, who they named Fainel Maeiel. She was beautiful and Tauriel watched her grow in her office while Maein returned to her guard duties. As soon as she was old enough to hold a sword Tauriel began teaching her how to fight.

         Thranduil and Tauriel got married before the darkness threatened to take their world away. It was a beautiful distraction that brought the elves together.

         The war of the ring was long and stressful but the woodland kingdom pulled through in the end. While all the elves, including Legolas had sailed, Tauriel and Thranduil remained to live their lives in the forest. They faded deep inside of it, but the most important thing was they were together. That was the thing that mattered most, and would never fade in the pages of history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay here is the end ;3 once again, thank you to anyone who read, followed, and reviewed. I wish I could have done more, but this was fun enough. If I ever have another idea, I will come back here and post it. But this is goodbye for now, so goodbye ^^


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